Welcome to Wammy's
by Bitblondetoday
Summary: Sole survivor of accident that killed her family name still not specified moves to live at Wammy's house, orphanage for gifted individuals. Beggining is pretty much all about her, but Near, Matt and Mello are getting involved in next chapter.
1. Chapter 1

My heart beat increased as huge white mansion appeared in front of us. I was mentally bracing myself for this for whole six hour ride, but the sight of Wammy's house still took my breath away.

_I can't do this. I can't._

I guess my emotions were visible on my face, since driver guy glared at me in his review mirror and grinned. Freaking sadistic bastard.

"Well, it sure is big." Miss Parker smiled at me. "It looks like a great place, doesn't it?"

I gave her a cold look- another one- and then locked my gaze on an enormous building. I was still nervous, but the fact I was still capable of making my social worker feel awkward came as a relief.

Guess I was a sadistic bastard myself.

So. About me.

Two days ago, I was nothing more than an ordinary fourteen year old (if you ignore the fact I was in senior year of high school- skipped a class or few), with big happy family, dog, and a name. Old man that came to talk to me- George or something- told me it was a good idea to go by a pseudonym once I was in Wammy's, so I don't see a point in mentioning it here.

Anyways, I had a normal, happy life two days ago. But two days ago, my home- my family- my life- it was all ruined in a fire.

I have no idea how it started. One moment, I was in a living room with my dad, and the next moment, heat was _everywhere._ Dad pushed me out through the window (since fire was blocking our way to the front doors) and then tried to get mom, my older brother Eric and baby sister Lilly. He failed. Obviously. I wouldn't be on my way to the orphanage if anyone in my family was still alive.

I was taken to a hospital, but besides a bruise covering half of my face (it was already fading, and it didn't even hurt anymore) and some burnt hair, I was perfectly fine. Miss Parker came to pick me up the next morning, but before she managed to take me anywhere, Roger guy appeared, and said I got into Wammy's.

"She's not ready." I still remember miss Parker's voice, arguing with Roger outside my room, not aware of the fact I can hear them. "She doesn't even talk. You can't just take her away!"

"I don't see how an ordinary orphanage will do any better." Roger's voice was calm- he reminded me of a grandparent, even though I've never had any. "It'll only put her abilities to waste. And she will talk, eventually. Her family just died. It's perfectly understandable she'll act a bit off for a couple of days."

"You can't take a traumatized teen to a gifted orphanage!" Miss Parker protested. "You don't get how adolescents work. Taking her to a competitive place like Wammy's house- I've heard the rumors, you know- could only cause her permanent damage."

"Miss-"

"I don't know if you are aware of it, but I am quite informed about you." Miss Parker cut him off. "Youngest kid you've taken to Wammy's House was nine. She's a fourteen year old. It's a massive difference."

"It was her father's wish-" Roger spoke so quietly I could hardly hear him. "-that his children will get best education they can."

And that made any argument miss Parker could offer invalid. At that state, if someone came to me saying my father wanted me to move to Russia and start my own mafia, I would. After all, my old life was burnt to dust, and all I got to keep were few of my father's shirts, single family album and box of mom's jewelry (my parent's bedroom was only room that wasn't completely destroyed).

So, I got off my bed, opened the doors, fed miss P five words ("I am going to Wammy's."), shut the doors, got to my bed, and continued being anti-social freak.

Wammy's house. I've never heard of it before, but Roger took the liberty of sitting next to my hospital bed, telling me about L (world's greatest detective, blah shit blah) and how in Wammy's they offer gifted orphans best education there can be given in order to make one of them suitable to inherit him.

And, as it seemed, I've just agreed to spend four years in there. It's pretty amazing how easily manipulated we can be.

We've reached the huge iron gates surrounding the Wammy's mansion. I've watched them open, feeling a bit dizzy.

_I can't do this. _

"Welcome to Wammy's, kid." Driver turned to wink at me, and then we entered the place I was to spend quite a while in.

"Welcome to Wammy's House." Roger smiled, sitting behind his enormous desk. "I hope you fit in nicely."

I nodded. I planned to start talking here- Roger seemed as a nice man (and even more like a man you wanted to be nice to you) and I didn't want to cause him any trouble, but I just couldn't force myself to make a sound.

"I think you could use a day to settle in, so I won't send you to your classes." Roger said. "I believe you'll be ready by tomorrow."

"Mister, it's way too-"

"Please, I have some experience with teenagers, okay?" Roger turned to face miss Parker. "Me and my people are quite capable to handle things from here. You are free to leave."

"I'm not going anywhere before I make sure she is taken good care of." She said. "Can I see her room?"

"Sure." Roger got up. "I was just about to take her there." He shot me a smile. "Shall we?"  
>I followed him wordlessly, hoping we won't meet any of the other kids in our way.<p>

"What are the rooms like here, anyways?" Miss P asked.

"They contain two beds, two desk, and a single wardrobe. But since all rooms in female wing are filled, she will have the privilege of having a room for herself." Roger smiled to me again. It was a bit weird, but it also made me feel more comfortable.

Though I was still nervous as heck.

Roger led me to the end of a nice, caramel painted hall, and unlocked the doors 18. "So, this is it."

I peeked in. Room seemed all right, with white walls, two neat beds, one pretty big wardrobe, and two desk (pretty much what Roger said it is like). One of the desks had a night lamp and pile of books and notebooks on it- looks like they were well prepared for me.

"This is all you got with yourself?" Roger pointed at my small backpack. I nodded.

"She doesn't have much clothes." Miss P said. "We got her some, but that's not nearly enough-"

"Don't worry, miss." Roger smiled. "There is some clothes for her in the wardrobe. Most of children that arrive here come with less than her." He then turned to face me. "We didn't know what kind of clothes you like, so your wardrobe is pretty plain. If you'll dislike it, you can tell me, and we'll get you something better.

I nodded at him, hoping he can read how grateful I am from my facial expression. My tongue was still completely limp.

"Is that all?" Roger asked miss Parker.

"I guess." She looked at me nervously. "Have fun, Ch-"

"Don't say my name." I cut her off. Oh, here it is.

She stood stunned for a moment, but then she got together.

"I believe my job is over here." She said. "Good luck."

"Bye, miss." Roger waved at me and lead miss P out. "Dinner is at seven. I'll send someone to get you."

Five minutes before seven, I was sitting on my new bedroom's floor, staring aimlessly through the window. I had quite a nice view, actually- old oak three, it's leaves just turning yellow.

I've already gone through my wardrobe- socks, underwear, two well fitting jeans and set of black and white shirt and t-shirts. I've unpacked my stuff-more socks and underwear, toothbrush, hair brush, and an oversized hoodie- and now had nothing to do.

I bit my lip, wondering what will my new life will be like. But it made me even more nervous, so I stopped.

In five minutes, someone will come to take me to dinner- guess I'll get some hint there. And food. I felt a bit sick, but I guessed it was better if I came, even if it meant I'll just sit there, awkwardly gazing at other people.

Someone knocked on my doors. I took a deep breath, unsuccessfully tried to calm myself down, and opened the doors.

Well, sight wasn't really what I expected. Not like I expected anything. But the kid on my doorstep still managed to surprise me.

He was…well, white. His skin wasn't as pale as mine, but his white hair and white pajama (why was he wearing it, anyways?) made him seem awfully ghost like. His eyes were black, and his face gave away no emotion at all. In his left hand, he was holding a toy robot, while other one was busy twirling a lock of his hair.

"Hello." He said. His voice fitted his face- it was completely emotion free. "I am Near. You're the new girl?"

I nodded, staring at him in surprise.

"Follow me." He said, waving his arm at me. "I'll show you where you can get dinner."

So I followed him. It's not like I had much choice.

Both of us kept quiet until we reached massive cafeteria-like room. Near opened the doors, and I kept up with him, taking in the sight.

Room was big. Really big. There were rows and rows of separated tables, each one able to take six persons. Age of people in room varied between six and sixteen, and they were all sitting in small groups, biggest one consisting of four. It seemed like no one else had Near's aversion to colors (what was up with his name, anyways? I knew we were able to choose our own name, but seriously? Near?), though most of them looked bit unusual, hunched in unnatural position or dressed bit off. One guy had massive pilot-like goggles on, and guy beside him had short bob with straight bangs.

"Food line is there. It's free, obviously." Near sighed, still twirling his hair. "Welcome to Wammy's House."


	2. Chapter 2

Know that feeling when you don't eat anything for a long time, and you're feeling perfectly okay, and then you smell food and realize you're starving?

Well, that was what just happened to me. I didn't think I was going to eat anything- I was actually feeling pretty sick- but as soon as I've reached the food line and aroma of freshly baked bread hit me, my body screamed at me to eat.

I walked towards the line, unsure what to do. Near kid was gone, and even if he was here, I knew I wouldn't ask him anything- partly because I still felt unable to communicate properly, partly because he freaked the living sh*t out of me.

It turned out I had nothing to worry about. Nice, elderly woman at the food line smiled at me and handed me over a tray with full meal on it.

"You're the new one, right?" She grinned at my surprised facial expression. "Here, we give you kids full meals, since most of you would live on junk food if we allowed you."

I gave her a shy smile and scanned the room for an empty seat. Or more like, empty table. I found one pretty near entrance/exit doors, and sat down, finishing the dinner in less than five minutes.

Well, I was starving. Last time I ate anything was 28 hours ago.

When I finished all the food, I started wondering what was I supposed to do with the empty tray. Then I realized people were just leaving them on the table, so I gladly did the same and got up, wondering if I'll be able to find my way back to the room. I had it memorized (more-less), but still…

Again, it turned out I worried for nothing. Just as I've left the cafeteria, familiar silhouette stepped in my way.

_Roger!_I gratefully smiled at him.

"Well, hello." He smiled back. "I was just looking for you. Let's go to my office."

I followed him up the stairs, realizing I had no idea how to get to my room.

He let me enter his office first, and then closed the doors behind us.

"Please, sit down." He said, taking his seat. I complied without hesitation.

"How do you like it so far?" He asked.

I gave him a tiny smile, apologizing wordlessly for my lack of communication.

"Did you think of your new name yet? I believe it would be better if you'd have it your first day of school."

I bit my lip. I completely forgot about that. Well, guess this was a time to prove my brilliant last minute thinking.

Idea bloomed inside my head within a second. I smiled.

"Alexx." I whispered. "With two x."

He nodded, not rising a huge fuss about the fact I've talked to him. "Okay, Alexx. Are you planning to continue talking?"

I nodded.

"Talk to me."

"I do." I chuckled.

"Okay, we got that down." He said, getting up. "To tell you the truth, I was already worried you've gone mute for good."

_So__did__I._"I'm sorry."

"No need for apologies." Roger smiled again. This guy obviously liked smiling. "Now, let me explain you how Wammy's work."

Half an hour later, I was in my room (Roger gave me a map of Wammy's, just in case I got lost after my classes tomorrow), staring at the class schedule (also something Roger gave me). We had classes every day, except on Sunday, but at least they lasted only half an hour each. My first class tomorrow was science, and I knew I was probably going to cry in ten minute break between it and math. Dad loved chemistry. He'd always help me with homework, although I knew perfectly well how to do it myself. It was just something we did together. Fact that we'll never be able to do it again felt like someone was turning me inside out.

I pressed my eyelids shut, holding back a wave of tears. I knew I won't be able to hold it in for long, but I wanted to get ready for tomorrow before having an utter mental break down.

I've quickly scanned my schedule for tomorrow- science, math, Latin, French (how in the earth did they know I've already studied it?), ancient Greek (okay, something I've never done in my life) and history of art. We had ten minute break between each class, giving us enough time to go to our rooms, pick up books, and get back.

Roger has also informed me that here, exams were written on almost daily bases, and each month, they would make a list featuring top ten students. L would have full access to them, and in the end, they would make him decide who was to inherit him.

"We've just made one." Roger said. "You have one month to get to the list."

I smiled politely, glancing at the paper he pushed towards me. I recognized the name at the top.  
>"Near is number one?" I asked. I was a bit honored to have the smartest kid in the Wammy's lead me to cafeteria.<p>

"Yes. Near is brilliant." Roger said, pride in his voice. "He's been number one since he arrived here. Mello is stuck as number two since then. He takes it quite personally."

I've checked the list. Really, Mello whoever-he-or-she-was landed second. "Oh."

"Well, that would be all. You better go to your room and get a good sleep." Roger said. "There aren't many girl here at the moment, so you should be able to get to the shower. You know how to get to them?"

I looked at the map. "I'll handle."

"Well, good night then, Alexx."

"Good night."

Next morning, I was already awake when the alarm clock went off. I was sitting up in my bed, staring at the old oak tree, shocked to see I've actually slept this night. Guess my body was too tired- I didn't sleep much since the fire- to stay awake and let me stress over today.

I turned the alarm clock off and got out of the bed, quickly getting out of one of dad's shirts I've slept in- I guessed something familiar will help me relax- and getting in jeans and black t-shirt I've picked for today. Then, with moment of hesitation, I took one of mom's necklaces and pushed it under my shirt. It was too extravagant to wear it outside- golden, with green, heart-shaped diamond size of my thumbnail. Then I rushed to the bathroom, quickly washed my face and brushed my teeth, and then took a good look at my reflection.

Well. I looked almost creepier than Near.

My skin was ghostly pale, with fading bruise matching my pale greenish eyes covering half of my face. Then, my hair- it used to be long, blonde and shiny, but since it got burnt in fire, it was now long little over my shoulders, pretty messy. I sighed and ran my fingers through it, too tired to look for a comb.

Bathroom was empty- rest of girls were probably in cafeteria, having breakfast, but I was way too nervous to eat. With a deep breath, I gave my reflection one last glance, and then rushed to pick up my science books, hoping I won't get lost. Wammy's was pretty big, after all.

I didn't get lost.

I also arrived quite early- class was supposed to start in fifteen minutes- but some people were already inside, so I guessed I could come in too. It seemed like a better idea than awkwardly standing in the hallway, waiting for someone else to enter first.

I got in the room pretty quietly, but I still managed to get everyone's attention- okay, everyone was consisting of two guys, but still. They turned to face me, gazed at me for a second, and then turned back to their work.

Feeling like I'll pass out any moment, I walked over to the seat in the back, and flipped random page of my science book open. I've tried to study a bit last night, but everything reminded me of dad so much I just couldn't focus. At least everything seemed familiar- if my focus problems never disappear, it might help me to pass this class somehow.

Hoping I look deeply interested in whatever-I-was-reading, I glanced at the two guys already mentioned.

I've already seen them in cafeteria last night- goggles guy and his friend with girly haircut. They were in the middle of a conversation, although I couldn't hear anything. Feeling a bit bored, I studied their appearance. Both were pretty skinny and pale (although I was still paler than them). Goggles guy had hair of an unusual red shade, stripped shirt, and some sort of sweater or whatever. And goggles, of course. His friend was dressed completely in black, and he had no shoes.

Was there a normal person in this freaking place?

Goggle guy suddenly looked up and met my gaze. I awkwardly looked back at the book, feeling like my face was burning. I knew it wasn't- I don't think I've ever blushed- but it still felt uncomfortable. I could hear their giggles as I continued gazing in my book.

Five minutes later, doors opened again, and Near walked in. He was still dressed in white- well, boy likes white- and he still had his toy robot with him.

"Hello, Mello, Matt." He said, walking past the guys, staring at his toy.

"Near." Female cut replied, giving him a cold look. "Good morning."

"Thank you." Near said, still not looking up. He took his seat, somewhere in the middle, and started quietly playing.  
>I locked my eyes to the book. I really didn't want to be caught staring the second time.<p>

_Mello? Seriously?_

I actually managed to get some facts into my head when rest of the class arrived. Shortly after, a gray haired woman entered the classroom. Everyone rose to their feet, and I quickly did the same.

"Sit down." She said. Her voice was almost as emotionless as Near's. "Who's the new student?"

I held my hand up. "Um, me."

She nodded. "You have a name?"

"Alexx." I said. _With__double__x_.

She nodded again, and walked to the front of the class. "Today we're writing a small check. I think you should all know by now how I don't tolerate cheating or talking during the test. And remember, new month has just started, and this is your chance to make a fresh start and maybe make it to the list." She said. "Apologies to the ones who are on it."

Then, as if she just remembered me, she looked to my direction and smiled, catching my completely off guard.

"Oh, and Alexx, try to do as much as you can." She smiled. "Okay, now, take out a blank paper…"

Day went of at the same tone, and finally, it was lunch break. I was still nervous, but my body cried for food.

I managed to find cafeteria- I was getting good at this- and walked over to the food line. Same woman from the last night greeted me with the smile and handed me a tray filled with food.

"Thank you." I smiled and headed for first empty table I spotted.

I was too busy eating to realize something was going on, but soon it became to hard to ignore the fact everyone seemed to stare at me. I looked up, unsure what to do.

"Hey, you. X or whatever." Guy at the table near to mine called me.

"Alexx." I said, facing him.

"Where have you studied science?" He asked. Half of cafeteria stopped talking, staring at me.

"Um, at normal high school." I said awkwardly. "But my dad often gave my private lesson."

"Who was your dad?" Another guy asked.

"Scientist, obviously." Someone said.

"Why?" I asked, to no one in particular.

"Haven't you seen the results of science test?" Guy from before asked. I shook my head. "You scored number one."

_Number __one? _Whoa. But that wasn't really that big of a-

Oh. Near took the same test.

"I did better than Near?" I asked the guy- he was probably getting annoyed by me.

"Duh. He was second best." He said, enthusiasm radiating from his face. "Not one person ever did better than Near at anything. You're, like, a goddess or something."

"Charlie, you're making the girl uncomfortable." Girl sitting next to him said, and then turned to face me. "I'm Ali, by the way."

I smiled, ignoring the fact Charlie used to be my name.

"Alexx." I said. "Double x."

"Come sit with us." Ali offered. Rest of table-a guy and a girl, looking very alike, nodded their heads in agreement.

"Okay." I shrugged, shocked to see how well things went for me. Just as I placed my tray next to Ali, someone rushed to me and yanked my shoulder, turning me to face him. It was the female-cut from science class.

"How did you do it?" He asked, looking as insane as he could.

"Mello." Goggle guy was standing behind us, looking very bored.

"How?" He shook my shoulders. "I've been trying to-"

"Mello, calm the fuck down." Goggle guy- well, Matt, obviously- said. "She's probably just a random science genius. Let her go."

Mello sighed and loosened his grip. I staggered a few steps backward.

"No hard feelings." Matt yelled at me as Mello dragged him out of the room.

"Well, that was…" Ali said, staring at the entrance doors. "Wow."

"What's his problem?" I rubbed my shoulder and sat down.

"He's Mello-always-second." Girl whose name I still hadn't known explained. "He's been trying to beat Near since he arrived here."

"And now you come-" Guy next to her continued. "And beat both of them just like that. He's pretty much going insane."

"Oh." I said. That explained a lot.

"I'm Theta, by the way." Girl said. "And this is Dark."

"They're siblings." Ali explained.

"She can see." Charlie murmured. "She is a random genius, after all."


	3. Chapter 3

„Matt!" Mello's voice was way too loud. He turned his back to the source of sound, pulling the blanket over his face.

"Matt, damn it, you have to get up." Mello sat beside him on the bed and pulled the blanket down. "You'll miss the breakfast."

"I'm not hungry."

"Of course you're not." Mello said. "Now get up."

"No." Matt pressed the pillow against his head. "Go away."

Mello sighed. He couldn't recall when he decided making sure Matt doesn't oversleep was his responsibility, but it was this way for a while. Matt wasn't exactly a morning person- that probably had to do with the fact he wouldn't fall asleep before three a.m.- and if he could, he'd probably sleep over whole school day.

"Oh, fuck it." Mello sighed. "You asked for this."

He got up and pulled the curtains open. Early autumn sun burst in, filling the room with light. Then he walked back to Matt's bad and pulled the blankets off. Matt let out a cry of deprecation and pressed the pillow harder against his head.

"Matt." Mello said, starting to get annoyed. "I'm leaving in ten seconds."

"Have a nice day." Matt murmured into his pillow.

"Matt!"

"Leave!"

With a sigh, Mello grabbed Matt's feet and jerked him off the bed. Matt struggled, but soon they both ended up on the floor, fully awake.

"Fuck you."

"Good morning to you too." Mello smiled. "Now get dressed."

Matt obeyed him, still feeling a bit groggy. He finally pulled on his goggles and blinked, watching as world got clearer. He had pretty bad vision, and he was thrilled when Roger allowed him to get goggles with diopter instead of his old, enormous glasses.

They walked out to the almost empty hall- most of the kids were already on the breakfast. They were just walking past female bathroom, when someone leaped in their way.

"Oh, sorry." Girl said, taking a step back and letting them walk by. Mello jerked his hand, forcing him to speed up.

"What was this about?" Matt asked. It was normal for him to ignore everyone in the early mornings, but Mello was usually more civilized.

"What?" Mello snapped.

_You ignored the living person who talked to you. _"Never mind."

They reached cafeteria and went for the food line. Jenna, woman working there, smiled at them and handed over their plates- Mello's was, as usual, with an extra chocolate bar. Jenna preferred kids to eat healthy, but Mello managed to win her over.

They took their usual seats- far in the back- and Matt pulled out pack of cigarettes from his pocket, ignoring the food.

"Jenna will kill you if she sees you smoking before breakfast again." Mello said, unwrapping his chocolate bar.

"It's breakfast now, so I'm actually doing it _during_ breakfast." Matt said, pulling his lighter out. "She said nothing about that."

Mello shrugged, pulling out his science notes. He was carrying them around ever since that girl beat him- Matt hadn't seen him study during meals ever since week after Near arrived. With a sight- he couldn't believe they were going to go through the whole procedure again- Matt spaced out, inhaling a deep breath of his cigarette.

He didn't realize he was staring at the entrance door till someone entered. He quickly shifted his gaze, but Mello's reaction got him to look again.

It was the girl they ran into before- and as he just realized, the girl that scored number one on science exam.

Well, that explained a lot.

Mello slammed the notes onto the table and pulled out one of his emergency chocolate bars. Matt sighed.

"She's not Near." He reminded him, focusing on the food on his tray. "Stop staring at her like that."

"Like what?" Mello snapped back at him.

"Like this." He finally found something that looked interesting and started eating. "Like you want to shoot her in the head or something."

Mello ignored him, taking a large bite of his bar. They continued eating in silence, and Matt spaced out again.

"Hey, X!" Charlie greeted me as I walked over to their table, carrying a plate in my hands. I rolled my eyes and smiled at rest of the table. "Good morning. Where's Ali?"

"She's already finished." Theta said. "Didn't have an appetite today."

"It's probably because you have the next class together, and she's just made it in top ten." Charlie added. "She's mentally bracing herself to get pushed out."

I rolled my eyes. My first class was physics, and I had a feeling I was minutes away from ruining my brilliant reputation.

"I'm not that good at physics." I said, sliding my tray next to them.

"Whatever. Near and Mello are not in that class with you, you'll probably end up number one again." Dark said.

"Change of subject, please?" I opened my milk carton.

"Okay. Let's talk about how Theta is failing ancient Greek."

I looked up at her, bit stunned. By her name, I've guessed she's an ancient-Greek-holic or something.

"I'm not!" Theta elbowed him. "I just really screwed up my last exam."

"You were on 15th place." Dark chuckled.

"It's not that bad." I said.

"Is for her." Charlie explained. "She's…well…like you in science."

"I'm not." Theta grinned. "Near still beats me. And Mello. But I'm happily third. Usually."

"Two of them are top two in everything, eh?"

"Everything." Charlie nodded. "It's freaky. And not really motivational for the rest of us."

Day was going pretty well for him.

_Just one more class to do. _Mello thought, smiling to himself. _And I haven't seen the girl for entire day. _

Even Near wasn't bugging him at the moment. It seemed like the fact he was no longer number one hit the little albino hard.

Mello's last class was psychology- class he enjoyed, especially because he and Matt would always end up diagnosing mental disorders to each other. He chuckled, thinking of the last time- Matt started swearing on top of his lungs, and then made the professor believe he had Tourette's.

He entered the classroom, searching for Matt. Matt has never bothered with carrying his books to classes, so he would always enter the classroom first and play his games for the rest of the break.

"Hey." Mello nudged him to move and took his seat.

"Mhm." Matt murmured, focused on his game. Mello glanced at the screen- miniature person was jumping over flying bullets. He chuckled and sat back in his chair.

Matt paused his game and turned to face him. "Have you just chuckled?"

"Yeah, why?" Mello reached into his pocket, searching for his chocolate bar.

Matt stared at him in wonder as his grinned, unwrapping his bar. "Are you high?"

Mello chuckled again. "No."

"Were you smoking my cigarettes?"

"No." Mello laughed. "Why? What do you have in them?"

Matt ignored the question. "How many bars did you eat today? Don't go all hyper on me again."

"Gosh, Matt, I'm just in a good mood."

"I see that." Matt squinted through his goggles. "Why?"

Mello laughed again, taking a bite of his chocolate. "Is it bothering you?"

"It's a bit disturbing." Matt murmured, returning to his game. Mello rolled his eyes and started scanning the classroom, searching for Near. Ah, there he was, right in the middle, staring at his toy robot. When Near first arrived, he used to bring puzzles to class, but teachers were getting offended by it, so he had to satisfy with single toy. Mello's eyes were just turning back to his friend, as he noticed another person sitting in front of Near. His smile vanished in a second. With a frustrated sight, he turned his gaze down, staring at his feet.

Matt noticed the change the second it had happened. He was like that. The way he was staring at his games, people would guess he was completely out of this world, but part of him was always alert. He paused his game again and turned to look at his best friend.

"What happened?" He asked in a silent voice.

"_She_'s here." Mello hissed.

"She?" Matt's eyebrows furrowed. "Oh, the science girl."

Mello took an angry bite of his chocolate, glancing at her again. Her backs were turned to them, but he would recognize her hair anywhere. After all, there were only three blondes in Wammy's, and he was one of them.

"Calm down." Matt murmured. "She's not doing anything."

"At the moment." Mello said through gritted teeth.

"You look like you could use another bar." Matt gestured at empty paper in Mello's hands. "Or a cigarette."

"I'm good, thanks." Mello murmured, sitting back in his chair, gaze locked straight in front of him.

So much from his perfect day.


	4. Chapter 4

When Matt woke up that Sunday, room was already empty. He sat up, confused. Mello would never let him sleep late, not even on their free days- he'd make him get up early and do whatever he had in mind that day.

Still puzzled, he reached for his glasses. Instead, he found a crumpled piece of paper. He pulled it closer to his face so he could read it.

_I'm off to study. Have fun sleeping or whatever you'll be doing. –M_

That explained a lot. With a sigh, Matt finally reached his goggles and pulled them on, thinking how weird it was to be able to just play games the entire day. Grinning, he quickly got dressed. Maybe he could go out and smoke a few before turning his computer on. Wammy's didn't allow smoking inside (rule he regularly broke), and day seemed to be cloudy enough for sun not to bother him.

He walked out and headed for an old oak tree- people rarely visited it, and that made it perfect smoking place. He pulled out a cigarette as he walked and lit it, deeply inhaling.

_Sweet smell of lung cancer. _

He finally got close enough to see a small bench under the tree, and for a moment he stood frozen in place. Someone else was already there.

Person was dressed in a gray hoodie, blonde hair tied up. It took him a moment to recognize a science girl. He let out an annoyed sigh.

She immediately spun around to face him, visibly shocked. She recognized him, and Matt felt as if he could see her closing in.

"Um, hi." She murmured.

"Hi." Matt responded, and she blinked in surprise.

"What are you doing?" He walked over to her, inhaling another deep breath of his cigarette. "Are you drawing?"

"Um, yeah." She closed her notebook, blushing.

"Can I see?" Matt asked, genuinely interested. This girl got both Near and Mello stressed- well, he was just guessing about Near- and he was ready to put his games on hold in order to find out more about her.

"Um, I guess." She murmured, avoiding his gaze. He took the notebook out of her hands and opened the first page. It was a sketch of an oak tree they were sitting under.  
>"You're pretty good." He said, shifting through the pages. There were more drawings of faces he couldn't recognize- he decided not to bother her about them, since they were probably her dead family or something. Then he reached a face he could recognize, and he paused, shooting her a glance.<p>

"Is this Near."

"Oh." She looked up at him, her eyes wide, as if she completely forgot about that drawing. "Yeah. I did it the night I arrived- he was the first person I saw here, and…"

"You got him down pretty well." He cut her off. "He looks alive. I mean, he doesn't. He looks just as dead as he looks in real life."

She blushed. "Thank you."

Her shyness surprised him. For the first time in his life, he was the more talkative one.

"So, tell me, how did you manage to get two deadly enemies in less than a week?" He asked, finishing his cigarette and lighting a new one. She looked at him, bit stunned.

"You like smoking." She noted.

"No shit."

She chuckled. "It's my luck, I guess."

"It has nothing to do with your luck." Matt exhaled. "It's your intelligence. I don't know about Near, but Mello is currently at the library, trying to beat you."

"He is?" She looked down at her hands. "I didn't mean to get him mad or anything. I just…like science."

"And math, as I've heard." Matt murmured. Mello's been updating him on her results on daily bases. "And Latin. And every other subject."

"I suck at physics."

"Third place. Big deal."

"And ancient Greek."

"Fifth."

She looked up at him again. "How do you know so much about me?"

He looked down on her drawing again. "Do you have any drawings of Mello or me that I should watch out for?"

She laughed. It caught him completely off guard. He glanced at her, surprised how different- she looked when smiling.

"So, you drew all of this and are still beating Near?" Matt asked. "Good job."  
>"It doesn't look like you do much, either."<p>

"Well, I'm not the one on the way of becoming the new number one." He handed her notebook over. "I'm Matt, by the way."

"Alexx." She accepted his hand. "You're Mello's sidekick."

He looked at her, bit stunned. She grinned at his expression.

"I'm his _friend._" He said.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." She opened the blank page of her notebook and started sketching something. He glanced at the paper, but could not recognize what the drawing was going to be.

"Who's your roommate?" Matt asked, surprised by the need to keep the conversation going. He glanced at the drawing again- it now resembled a head.

"No one." She responded, shooting a quick glance up at him. "All rooms were full, so I got one on my own."

"You're lucky, you know?" Matt finished up his second cigarette and started pulling out the third.

"You're not going to smoke another one, are you?" She asked, her gaze fixated on the drawing.

"Why not?" Matt placed the cigarette between his lips and lit it.

"Isn't smoking prohibited or something?" She asked, still focused on her drawing.

"Not outside the building."

"But you were smoking inside too."

Matt glanced at her, grinning. "You were watching me?"

"I accidentally saw you." Her face blushed.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

She chuckled. "Okay, I think I'm done."

She pulled out a drawing out of her notebook and handed it over to him. "Here."

It was his face, staring into the distance. His hair was as messy as usual, and he was exhaling a smoke, fine mist of it twirling around him.

"Wow." He remarked. "It's…great."

"Thank you." She smiled. "It's a thank-you gift. For putting up with me for this long."

"Oh, well, thank you." Matt grinned. "It was quite fun, actually."

"I'm glad." She smiled. "I have to go now. Enjoy your lung cancer."

He watched her as she walked over to entrance doors, chuckling to himself.

The girl really was interesting.


	5. Chapter 5

Matt opened the doors slowly, nudging his head inside, scanning the hall. It was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief and rushed to his room, hoping Mello was still in the library. His roomate had low tolerance of smoke and would probably throw a tantrum over Matt smelling like cigarettes, but that was nothing compared to his reaction if he was to find out who gave him the drawing.

Matt sighed. Mello would probably get hyper over, questioning him until he'd confess. Shoving the drawing under his shirt, he entered his room.

Mello wasn't there. Matt grinned, pulling the paper out and straightening it until it looked intact. Then, his smile disappeared, and he scanned the room for possible hiding places.

Desk was out of the question. He hardly ever studied, so Mello took the liberty of using half of his desk as place to put unnecesary books- other half was taken by computer, and Matt had no intention of moving it- he would surely notice if something was different. His only drawer was already full, and drawing could get damaged here. His brain continued working frantically, until he finally found a perfect hiding place. He grinned, pulling the blankets of his bead. He will hide it under his matress. Mello would never look under there.

He finished the operation in less than a minute, and he proudly glanced at his bed. It looked same as this morning- messy- and there was nothing to stir Mello's suspicion.

When Mello arrived half an hour later for more books, there was no sign of Matt ever smoking either. He took a shower and changed, hiding his smelly clothes under the bed. Mello murmured a hi and went to his desk, his face pale.

Matt paused the game and looked at him. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Mello murmured, picking up the pile of books. "Just a little tired."

"When did you wake up?"

"Five. I couldn't sleep."

Matt looked at his friend, feeling a bit worried. "Have you eaten?"

Mello bit his lip, trying to remember. "I don't know."

Matt sighed. He hated having to be the reasonable one. He got up from his chair and gently nudged Mello towards the doors. "Let's get you something to eat. Books won't go anywhere."  
>"But-"<p>

"A little break won't do any damage." Matt assured him, leading him downstairs. He stiffled a sight. Mello probably didn't eat a thing this entire day- sometimes, he'd be so into studying he'd even forget about chocolate.

Cafeteria was empty, and Matt walked behind the pult, taking a few bars of chocolate. They took a seat in the back- old habits die hard- and Mello started chewing on his chocolate, half asleep.

Matt sighed, wishing he remembered to take his game with him. Or cigarette. With another sigh, he started counting cracks in the ceiling, just to keep his brain busy.

"So, what were you doing this morning?" Mello asked, looking much more awake. Matt stopped counting- he'd reached 34- and glanced at his friend.

"Slept."

"Whole morning?"

"Yeah. And played games. Usual."

Mello narrowed his eyes. "Is your hair wet?"

Fuck. "Um...yes."

Mello sighed. "You were smoking."  
>"Is it so hard to believe I took a shower?"<p>

"Don't toy with me."

"I'm not-"

"How many?"

"How many what?" Matt decided to play stupid.

"Fuck, Matt. How many cigarettes did you smoke?"

Matt sighed. "Not many."

"Not many? What, just one pack?" Mello asked, his voice bitter.

"Five." Mello's eyes went wide, and Matt quickly corrected himself. "Cigarettes! Five cigarettes!"

"Just five?" Mello was a bit surprised. Matt was in habit of smoking a few packs when he was alone. "That's an improvement."

Matt nodded.

"You still shouldn't do it." Mello murmured, taking another bite of his third chocolate bar. "You'll get lung cancer."

"And you'll get superdiabetes." Matt murmured, pulling the remaining chocolate bars away. "That's the last one. I don't want you go all hyper on me."

"But I need sugar!" Mello protested. "To keep my brain active."

"You need sleep." Matt murmured.

"Look who's saying. When did you go to bed last night?"

"I'm not the one pushing my limits." Matt replied. "You're not getting more chocolate. If you need something to run your brain on, take real food."

Mello sighed. "Fine."

He got up, pulling Matt with him. "I'm off to library. Don't go smoking again."

"Sure." Matt murmured. "Just like you won't go get more chocolate."

Mello sighed, but said nothing. They often had discussions like this, but since neither of them was ready to give up their addiction, they'd always leave it like this.

"Finally." I murmured, glancing at my clock. Seven p.m. Dinner.

I was starving. Haven't eaten anything since lunch- which was six hours ago, six hours I've spent hunched over my books, constantly studying. I felt like I was going to pass out, but at least I was ready for tommorow. I let my hair down, ran my fingers through it, slipped on my converses and rushed down.

I was first in line- everyone else was probably doing something fun- but I was too hungry to care. I've took my usual seat and started eating. Food is always so much better when you're starving.

Not a minute later, Near arrived. He took a seat next to window, not showing any sign of irritation by my constant staring. His robot was with him, as usual. I continued watching him as he started playing with his food, hardly eating anything.

"Hey." Familiar voice breathed on my neck, and I almost choked on the piece of bread I was chewing.

"Ali." I coughed. "Good evening to you too."

Ali chuckled, sitting next to me. "Where were you the entire day? Charlie says studying."

"Charlie's right." I murmured, taking a sip of water.

"You studied the entire Sunday?" Ali shot me look. "Seriously?"

"Not entire day." I murmured. "Just six hours."

She blinked at me. "You're going Mello."

"She's not." Charlie sat across us, smiling. "Mello spent the entire day in the library. He's still in there."

"Isn't he eating?" I asked.

"Apparently not." Ali rolled her eyes. "If you start avoiding your meals, I'm going to beat you up."

"I beg you." I murmured. "That's sick."

"He's under a lot of stress." Charlie explained. "He's always wanted to be number one. Now he can't even be number two."

"Thank's for making me feel like a bitch." I murmured to my food.

"It's not your fault." Charlie corrected himself. "It's his inferiority complex."

"Someone's been paying attention at psychology." Ali chuckled. "Anyways, you've been studying for six hours today? I don't even do that for the finals."

"Finals." I frowned. "I completely forgot you might have them. I don't even want to know what they look like."

"Oh, same like this, except you're actually getting grades." Charlie said. "And if you fail, you have to write this huge test, so everybody's studying their asses off."  
>"But we have them once a year." Ali added. "I'd go insane otherwise."<p>

I was about to say something, when Matt walked in. He spotted me and grinned. I grinned back.

Charlie turned around to see who am I looking at. "No way."

"What?"

"You smiled at Matt."

"What's so weird about that?"

"He's Matt." Ali said. "Mello's Matt."

"Am I the only one who feels like making a Mean Girls refrence?"

Charlie rolled his eyes. "Shut up. What is going on with you two?"

"Nothing!" I almost choked on my food again. "Gosh. We just talked."  
>"Does Mello know about that?" Ali asked.<p>

"I don't know." I said, a bit annoyed. "Will I have to pay him a fine for trespassing?"

"You don't get the gravity of this situation." Charlie whispered. "You already stole Mello's place on the list."

"I actually stole Near's." I murmured. "And I wouldn't stay stole. It's more off 'honestly earned'."

"Shut up." Ali nudged me. "You stole his place, now you're stealing his best friend."

"I'm not- are you all retarded?" I hissed. "I was outside, drawing, and it turned out to be his smoking place, so we talked a bit. End of story."

"That's what you say." Ali said. "That's probably what happened."

"It is what hap-"

"Shh." Ali cut me off. "But Mello is not the sanest person, you know. It'll be interesting to see what he'll say had happened."

Mello wiped his mouth, feeling horribly dizzy. He got up on his feet and staggered to the sink, washing his face.

_Too much, too much. Not enough time. _

He'd been studying the entire day, but he knew it wasn't enough. And it was even worse now- he won't even land second. He'll be sucky third place. He'd puke again, if he didn't already emptied his entire stomack.

He stared at the mirror, disgusted by his reflection. His hair was wet, face pale, bags around his reddish eyes. He looked insane. He looked just like the failure he was. His eyes filled with tears again.

It was still early. It wasn't even eight p.m. He didn't have to go to dinner. He could just study more. Maybe he would beat the sheep, and then he could focus on beating the new girl, and then, he'd be number one, and he'd be L.

He smiled. It would be nice. But it was not going to happen.

Still, he started for his room, still dizzy from lack of food and sleep. He stuffed himself with chocolate half an hour before, and threw it up immidietly- he was under too much stress to consume food.  
>He was staggering down the hall, when familiar smell reached him. It was Matt. It had to be. He was the only smoker in the Wammy's House. Mello stepped up the speed- if Matt was to catch him, he'd make him go down and eat, and he couldn't. Not today.<p>

His brains scanned the hall for possible hiding places- Matt was probably looking for him, and he couldn't be found. Steps were closer. Desperate, he turned to head back to the toilet, intending to lock himself into a stall and wait for Matt to leave.

But it wasn't Matt. Some part of his brain noted that this steps were way too light to belong to his groggy best friend. He could still smell the smoke. Was there another kid smoking in this orphanage? He stood up, waiting for the mystery person to appear.

But no one appeared. Mello stood there for a moment, confused, and then realized it must've been a girl- she probably went to female bathroom. Has Matt given cigarette's to a girl? It wasn't entirely unpossible. His curioisity now stirred, he walked over to the doors of the female bathroom. They weren't entirely closed, and even though he had intended to wait for a girl to go out, he decided to peek in for a second.

Girl was alone in the bathroom. She was standing next to the sink, sniffing her hair- so, he hadn't imagined the smell. His brain was so tired he almost didn't realize who was he looking at.

Realization hit him like a slap. He staggered back, rage brooding inside his brain.

It was her. The number one girl.

His brain worked frantically. She had to have her own cigarettes. There was no way she could get them from Matt. Matt wouldn't do that...would he?

Nausea hit him again, and even though he had nothing to puke, he rushed over to the bathroom stall. He stayed there for a while, hunched over the toilet, waiting for nausea to pass.

Could the girl be stealing his best friend too?

***authors note* I know it's a bit sucky, but there are people actually reading this, so I felt like it would be nice to write something...sorry for the grammar errors, English is my second language and right now my spell check is not working. Hope you like it anyways, please review, you have no idea how happy you are making me! :)**


	6. Chapter 6

Mello rushed in the room so suddenly Matt lost control over his game, crashing his virtual race car. He paused it, holding back a swear.

"God, Mello." He murmured, turning around to face his best friend. "Where's the-"

Look on his friend's face made him forget the sarcastic remark he was about to make. He froze in the place, staring at Mello's face. He looked...pissed wasn't strong enough to describe it. His eyes were reddish, and he could tell he's been crying- he'd often see him cry when stress would get too bad, but this time, rage written all over his face wan't turned to himself. He was mad at Matt, and smoking wasn't the reason this time.

_He doesn't know. He can't know. He didn't find the drawing- he wasn't alone in the room whole day. _Matt started to pull his innocent mask on. _It has to be something else._

"Um, is something wrong?" He asked, unable to keep his voice from shaking. Mello took in a deep breath before replying, as if he's hardly keeping himself from punching him. Matt quickly scanned the room for possible ducking places- in a fight, he had no chance of winning.

"Today, when you were smoking." Mello started, his voice silent. "You were alone, right?"

Matt froze again- he was never good at lying, especially not to Mello- and his brain started working maniacally. _Does he know? If he knows, he'll get even angrier if I lie to him. But maybe he doesn't..._

"I-" He started, but look on Mello's face showed him all effort was useless. Even if he wasn't sure by now, Matt just confirmed it.

"You were with the new girl." It wasn't a question, but Matt still nodded.

Mello took a deep breath, spun around, a flung his fist into the wall. It must've hurt really bad, but he made no sound.

"Get out." He finally murmured. "Get out, _now._"

Matt had no idea where was he supposed to go, but he knew anywhere was better than in a room with raging Mello. He got up and rushed outside, hardly making any sound. Once outside, he started running, not stopping until he was certain that, if Mello was to come after him, someone could hear them.

Feeling a bit dizzy, he sat down, wrapping his arms around his legs. What now? His best- no, his _only _friend kicked him out of his room. Mello often had tantrums like this, but they were usually about Near, and Near wasn't the one sharing a room with him. He pushed a hand in his pocket, letting out a cry of happiness when he would a pack of cigarettes shoved inside. He lighted one and took a long breath, waiting for his overactive brain to calm down. He was diagnosed with OCD-obsessive compulsive disorder- soon after arriving at Wammy's, but games and loads of schoolwork managed to keep it under control most of the times. He never allowed himself get enough sleep, hoping that, if his brain was exhausted enough, his OCD wouldn't act up. He'd play games that required all of his attention, not leaving his brain room for anything else. It usually worked, but he'd often find himself counting his steps, or people in room, or raindrops, or just seconds going by. Nobody knew about his problem, not even Mello- there were a few methods of treating OCD that he was certain Mello would try, no matter how hard Matt would beg him not to.

He sighed, taking another deep breath, his eyes closed. Now that he thought about this more clearly, situation didn't look so hopeless. Mello would calm down over night, and Matt could explain him that he just talked to Alexx- although mentioning her name probably wouldn't be the best idea- and that it was only a short encounter, and that they weren't hanging out regualrly or anything like that. That would work.

In case Mello doesn't find the drawing, that is.

Matt's hand started shaking, and he had to turn his cigarette off in order not to make a burn on the wall...or himself. He continued sitting in the hall, his eyes shut, counting seconds, when steps aproached him.

"Matt?"

_398, 399-_ "Huh?"

He opened his eyes, finding himself face to face with girl that started all the trouble.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Nothing." He couldn't keep resentment out of his voice- he knew she wasn't quilty of anything, but he brain wasn't ready to acknowledge the fact just yet.

"I see that." She murmured. Her hair was wet, and she had a towel wrapped around her shoulders. "What happened?"

"Nothing." Matt sighed, a bit annoyed.

"Okay." She said, and then sat down next to him. He sighed, feeling an urge to light another cigarette.

"So, you're sitting in front of the female bathroom just for the fun of it?" She asked, glancing up at him- when they were standing up, they were about the same height, but now she was a good few inches shorter. He realized that must mean she has long legs, and couldn't help blushing. He looked away.

"Um, yeah."

"Right." She said, glancing at the cigarette on the floor. "Don't tell me this is another of your smoking places."

"It's not."

"Good. I was starting to feel like a stalker."

They were silent for a few minutes.

"Okay, if you don't want to tell me what's going on, fine." She said, getting up. "But you should at least-"

"Roomate kicked me out." Matt sighed.

"Oh." She stood there for a moment before sitting back. "Mello, right?"

"Yeah."

"Want to tell me why?"

Matt bit his lip, considering it for a moment. "Ah, why not."

"...and so, here I am." He finished a story with a shrug, still not looking down at me. I bit my lip. _Ali was right. _

"I'm sorry." I murmured. "Really. I didn't want to get you in trouble. Should I leave?"

"No, no." Matt shook his head. "It doesn't matter, really. Unless you want to go to sleep or something. I think I'll stay here for the night."

I frowned. "No. I'm not letting you sleep in the hall."

"It's okay." Matt insisted. "Maybe I'll go up on the attic. I have a few smoking places up there too, some of them pretty comfortable."  
>I looked up at him. "I was up there. It's full of dust."<p>

"I'm not allergic."

"Matt!"

He chuckled. "Okay, _mom_. What do you suggest?"

I bit my lip, thinking about it for a while. "Um...I have an empty bed in my room."

His eyes went wide behind the goggles. "What?"

"I have an extra bed in my room, and you're free to use it." I looked down, blood running up to my face. "That's _all_."

I could almost see his brain working as he stared straight ahead, his brow furrowed.

"It sounds good." He finally said, grateful smile on his face. "Thanks."

"No problem." I grinned, feeling bit of a relief. "My room is that way. Come on."


	7. Chapter 7

I woke up in the middle of the night, my head pressed tight against the pillow, doing my best to stiffle a scream- it wouldn't be nice to wake the whole Wammy's House for one bad dream.

Terror finally vanished, and I curled myself under the covers, feeling warm tears roll down my cheeks.

I had the nightmare again- I didn't have a nice dream since I've arrived at Wammy's. Pressing my face against a pillow to mute a scream was already a habit.

I shivered, remembering the dream. Everything was so real- I could feel the heat of the fire, and hear the cry of my baby sister. I was running up the burning stairs, flames leaving burns on my feet and legs. Everything was so clear, except for my vision- my eyes were full of tears, and I could hardly see anything. I've oriented by sounds, rushing to get my sister out. I had to get her out. I knew no one else will.

In my dream, I've reached the doors, and pushed them open- pain was so real I could still feel it- and entered my sister's room. But the crib was already on fire- I tried to get her out, but I caught on fire too, and...

I died.

That's how it was supposed to end. I wasn't supposed to survive. I pressed my eyelids shut, trying to hold back tears that just kept coming, as my breathing increased.

_Panick attack. _I swore to myself, now remembering that Matt was in my room. Once again, I pressed my face against the pillow, trying to normalize my breathing, but it was useless. I finally gave up, hoping Matt was a tight sleeper.

He wasn't.

"New girl?" He murmured, sleepiness in his voice. I wanted to tell him I'm fine, to go back to bed, but I knew I wouldn't be able to finish a single sentence. Instead, I tried to hold my breath, hoping he'll think I'm sleeping or something.

"Hey, Alexx." He got up, walking over to my bed. _Fuck._ "You okay?"

He gently nudged me, flipping me to my back, gasping when he saw my face.

"Hey. What happened?" He asked, glancing over to my nighstall and handing me a packet of cleenex. "Are you okay?"

I opened my mouth- it was getting harder to breath- and tried to get myself to say something.

"N-no." I accepted the cleenex and wiped my face, my shoulders shaking.

"Shhh." Matt slid to the bed next to me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to a comforting hug. "Shh. Follow my breathing. It'll be fine."

I nodded, trying to sincronize my breathing with his, failing every few seconds.

"Shh." He whispered again. It seemed as he had experience with utter mental breakdowns. "Everything's fine."

"Everything's fine." He whispered again, stroking her hair. Her face was pressed against his shirt, and he could feel her tears leaving tiny wet marks. Whole situation was almost too familiar- how many times has Mello broke down like this in the middle of the night? In the dark, he could almost mistake her for Mello- blonde, straight hair, only a few shades different.

Her breathing increased again, and he gently tapped her back. "Shh. Calm down."

She nodded, letting out a little sob. He smiled, tapping her back again. It always made Mello feel better. He hoped it was the case with her too.

_Bet Mello would be thrilled to see this, though. _He thought bitterly. If this went out, he could forget about ever returning to his room. Roger would probably make Mello let him back in, but sooner or later, one of them would switch rooms. Only thing keeping him away from sighing was the fact that girl was now hanging on to his breathing. He stroked her hair again, smiling to himself. At least he was able to do something right.

His thoughts went back to Mello again- he couldn't help but worry about his long time best friend. He was under a lot of stress today- he was probably having a panic attack too. Girl's breathing now neutralized, and he realized she fell asleep. After failing to think of a way to get back to his bed without waking her up, he sighed, allowed his head to rest against the wall, and closed his eyes.

Some part of his brain wondered how would Roger react if he would them- in whole history of Wammy's, situation where boy slept over in girl's room- not to mention bed- was unheard of. He grinned. He'd probably get in a lot of trouble. Grounded, definetly. No more games. Cleaning of the stairs, maybe? And there would definetly be strories. He sighed, completely unaware he started stroking her hair again. Well, let's hope they don't get caught.

I woke up five minutes before my alarm clock, as always. At first, I wasn't even aware of my odd sleeping position, or that someone else is breathing besides me. I jawned, stretching my neck, when the memories of this night hit me in the face. I staggered out of the bed, now fully awake.

"Oh fuck." I murmured, running fingers through my hair. _I had a nightmare- a panic attack- I woke Matt up- he calmed me down- _that was it. I let out a sigh of relief. That was all that happened.

_But it probably won't look like that to other people. _

My eyes went wide. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

What was up with me? I never used to swear much. Ignoring the thoughts, I started shaking Matt's shoulder.

"Hey. Matt. _Matt._" I hissed. "You need to wake up, _now._"

Matt murmured something, then probably realized he is not in his bed, and sat up straight.

"Where am I?"

"In my room." I said. "We need to get you out before anyone notices you were here."  
>"Alexx?" He asked, still bit sleepy.<p>

"Um, yeah." I said.

"Fuck. Sorry, I can't see anything." He murmured. "Could you please give me my goggles?"

"Sure." I threw his goggles at his lap, and he pulled them on, blinking for a few times."

"Bad vision." He explained. "Minus five or so."

"Whoa." I murmured. "You really are blind."

"No kidding." He grinned. "What time is it?"

"About seven."

He nodded. "Are the other girls awake?"

"I have no idea." I whispered, then went to my doors and cracked them open. "Hall's empty. Go, go, go."

He got up, his hair even more messy than usual. "Thanks for the bed." He grinned, and then rushed to the male hall. I sighed. _This was...weird._

***author's note* I have no idea why this isn't a part of chapter six. I guess I didn't think I'll be publishing two chapters today...I'll try to squeeze another one in, wish me luck! Thank you all for you kind reviews, I love you all! :)**


	8. Chapter 8

Mello arrived to classroom extra early, too nervous to either eat or sleep. Part of it was the fact they were writing another science test in about half an hour- but there was also the fact he couldn't find Matt.

Last night, after he kicked his best friend out of their room, it took him about an hour to calm down and realize he might've overreacted. He searched the hall, and all of Matt's smoking places he knew of, and after failing to find any trace of the redhead, he went to sleep, hoping Matt found himself a place comfortable enough to spend the night at.

Anyways, Matt was going to appear sooner or later- probably not at the first class, since now he had no one to wake him up in time, but at one point in the day, and then Mello will apologize for acting so recklessly, and Matt will explain what's going on between him and the new girl, and then, with a bit of luck, they'll get over that, and he'll be able to focus on his studies again.

He pulled out his science notes, reviewing the facts he already knew by heart. This was his chance to get his place on the list back, and he knew he'll never be more ready than he was now. He just couldn't wait for the rest of the class to arrive, so he can write the test, and then…he wondered what will the results be like. He was certain he can score 100% on the test- will it be enough to beat both the new girl _and_ Near?

He smiled to himself. It'd be great. He just needs to do this test, and…

Doors opened. He looked up, for the first time not annoyed by the sight of white boy walking in.

_Hey, Near. _He thought to himself, pulling out a bar of chocolate out of his pocket- emergency stress reliever, as he liked to call it. _Are you ready for today? I sure am._

Near's gaze met his, and self satisfied smirk crossed albino's face, never reaching his eyes.

"Hello, Mello." He said in his robotic voice. "I bet it was calm in your room tonight, having it all for yourself."  
>Sarcastic reply froze on Mello's lips, and he stared at the white-haired boy in front of him, his eyes wide in shock.<p>

"W-what did you just say, you little creep?" He asked, unable to keep the rage out of his voice.

"I believe you heard me quite well, _Mello._" Mello hated the way Near pronounced his name- there was something disturbing in the way faint British accent could be heard in his usually robotic voice.

"How do you know Matt wasn't in our room?" Mello asked, barely keeping himself from punching the kid, who was now standing just a few feet away. _Calm down. He probably saw him in the hall or something. He's probably not sleeping at all, just walking around Wammy's…_

Near's reply stopped his inner blabbering. "Matt spent the night in the female dorm."

Mello was just about to ask why did he know that, when he realized it actually made sense.

"New girl was kind to take him in. I think it's very nice from her. Don't you agree, _Mello?_" Near headed towards his table now, his robot toy pressed tight against his chest. Mello continued staring at the boy, his breath increasing. No- Near must've been lying. There was no way he could've known what was going on in the female dorm- he wasn't that much of a pervert, was he? This was all just a game, another of his games, he was just playing with Mello's head, to distract him from the test.

Yes, that had to be it. Taking a deep breath, Mello pushed all thoughts of his talk with Near aside, focusing on the notes in front of him. He had to do his best at the test- he'll deal with Matt later.

"So, are you ready for the big test, random science genius?" Ali asked that morning, sliding her breakfast tray next to me.

"Of course she is." Charlie said, his mouth full. He gulped. "She probably studied all night."

I blushed, thinking of what actually had happened that night. "Shut up. I actually had a good sleep, and now am ready to keep you out of the top 10 list for rest of your lifetime."

Charlie rolled his eyes- he didn't really care about the fact he wasn't on the top list.

"I've never been there, and I don't really want to be next L. Too much pressure, you know?" He explained once. "It's cool being number 13. Although I'll probably be 14, now that you become new number one."

That was the thing- everyone acted like I already was number one, when actually, for another three weeks, in L's eyes, I didn't even exist. He didn't get the daily test results- he politely asked Roger to stop sending them to him, since they were spamming his inbox, or something like that.

"Good morning." Theta slid her tray next to Charlie and took a bit of her toast. "Did you hear that Mello kicked Matt out?"

I almost choked on my food. "Wow, really?"

"Yeah. No one knows where Matt spent the night- probably attic or something- but they say it's because of you."  
>She looked at me, and I took a put my hands up in defense. "Hey, I did nothing."<br>"Told you so." Ali sad. "Well, guess Matt took the blow- you're really lucky, you know- but Mello will still give you trouble if you get in his way."

"Which will happen as soon as test results come out." Charlie noted.

"It won't!" I protested. "Mello's been studying for lot longer than I did. Stop having such big expectations. I'll feel horrible once I break them."

"Honey, but you won't." Ali said. "You've been saying this same thing for the entire week, and you're rocking every subject."

"Except, you know, the poor third place in two subjects." Charlie rolled his eyes. "One day, when you become L, we'll join our brilliant minds and find your top secret apartment and break in and rub it in your face."

"Can't wait." I shook my head, chuckling.

"It'll happen." Charlie assured me.

"I know."

Lunch break just started, and I was about to head for cafeteria when I remembered the results of the science test were just hung on the doors of the classroom. Well, I might as well check out whether Mello got one more reason to behead me.

There was already a line in front of the list. I stopped the first person I saw- sweet brunette with pigtails- and asked her who's number one.

"It's a tie." She said, staring at me in excitement. "Triple tie. Near, Mello, and Alexx- the new girl." Her eyes went wide as she recognized me. "Oh, it's you!"

I smiled and thanked her, ignoring her last statement. Cafeteria was almost empty- guess people were still looking at lists. Only four persons were in, including me, and I could recognize all of them.

First one was Near- he somehow always managed to be everywhere, and still arrive early- he was playing with his toy robot, not even touching his meal. Second one was Mello- he looked pretty annoyed, chewing on his chocolate bar- and the third one was Matt, who just got his tray, and was eyeing Mello with caution, obviously wondering whether he can approach him or not. I guessed me going over to him wouldn't help him a lot, so I took my time picking a tray and walking over to the food line.

When I reached my table, I noticed Matt was sitting with Mello. I smiled to myself- it was nice to see I didn't cause any permanent damage to their friendship- and started eating, waiting patiently for rest of my table to appear.

"A tie? I'm very disappointed." Ali grinned, sitting next to me. "Only one hundred percent? Didn't you study at all?"

I elbowed her and chuckled. "It seems like Matt and Mello bromance is back on track."

She looked to their table and smiled. "Aw."

"Now you can stop spreading gossips."

"I did not!" She looked at me, her eyes wide. I rolled my eyes and grinned. "Okay, maybe I shared some info, but I told nothing but truth!"

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

That evening, I was sitting in my bedroom, staring aimlessly through my window. I got all my homework done and felt pretty confident about tomorrow, and now, I had no idea what to do. Sun was just setting, and I pulled my notebook out, thinking of maybe going out and doing some sketches. I shot a quick glance through the window, just to check if my bench was empty. It was. I grinned and pulled on my hoodie, rushing out.

I arrived there in less than a minute, breathing heavily from the run (why did I run again?), opening the blank page of my notebook and finding a comfortable position. I stared out into the distance, searching for inspiration. I knew what I wanted to draw- who, more accurately- but my reason worked against me and I settled for doing the view. It wouldn't be much without colors, but I'd do my best.

I was so focused on the drawing I didn't even realize someone was standing behind me. It wasn't until I felt the smoke of cigarette that I turned around.

"Nice." Matt murmured, gesturing at the paper.

"Thank you." I looked down awkwardly. "Um, so I see you and Mello sorted your problems out."

"Yeah." Matt nodded.

"So I guess he doesn't know where you spent the night?"

"No." Matt said, sitting next to me. "He was curious, but I think he believes I have a secret smoking place."

"Don't you think he'd get mad over this?" I asked. "You know, us, talking."

"He probably would." Matt agreed.

"But you don't care?"

He bit his lips, thinking. "I do. But…"

"You hope he won't find out?"

"Exactly." He nodded. "Do you mind? I mean, if you do-"

"No, no." I said, cutting him off. "I mean, it bothers me a bit your best friend hates me just because I do better at him in school, but I can handle it."

He breathed a sigh of relief- and smoke- and grinned. "Thank you."

"For what?" I asked, looking up at him.

"For dealing with me." He looked down at me, smile still on his lips.

"Um, no problem." I blushed, looking down. _I'm so awkward, it's pathetic. _"I am a lot to deal with too. You witnessed it the last night."

"You lost your family not so long ago. Crying is normal." Matt said. "Just stop holding it in. It won't do you any good."

"Someone's been paying attention at psychology." I noted, smiling up at him.

"Don't I always pay attention?" He smirked.

"No."

He shrugged, turning his cigarette off. "Guess you're right."


	9. Chapter 9

Matt entered the room, throwing himself at his bed and pulling out a bar of chocolate.

"Hey." He murmured, throwing it at Mello's back, hunched over the desk. "Here's the reward."

Mello spun around, annoyed by the distraction. Noticing the chocolate bar on the floor, he narrowed his eyes towards the redhead. "Reward for _what?_"

"For one hundred percent on the test today." Matt rolled his eyes. "I thought you'd be much more excited over it."

Mello picked up the bar and unwrapped it, ignoring his statement.

"Hey!" Matt called out. "Am I not getting a 'thank you' or anything?"

"I thought it was a reward." Mello noted, his gaze focused on the book.

Matt rolled his eyes again and pulled out his game, even though he knew he wouldn't be able to focus on it. He started rapidly pressing the buttons, pretending to play, letting his mind wander.

_Alexx. _He sighed. He hated the fact he wasn't able to talk about her with Mello- and he really wanted to. She was different- although he wasn't the one to say, since he didn't talk to many girls in his lifetime. But there was something about her that intrigued him. Something that made him feel comfortable. Something that shut his OCD off. Now when he thought about it, she reminded him of Mello, before he became obsessed with studying and beating Near. He frowned, hoping the pressure won't get her too.

Suddenly, he really needed a cigarette. Getting of his bed, he murmured a bye to Mello and left the room, heading for the attic. It was full of dust, just as Alexx had said, but he didn't mind. It wasn't like he came here for the fresh air. He opened the small roof window and stared out, lighting a cigarette. It was a starry night, and he wondered if Alexx was trying to draw it.

_Probably not. _He thought. _There's not much to draw here. _

But maybe she was looking at it. It was a pretty view, after all. He drew a deep breath of cigarette and let it out in the sky. There was something about _her…_something he couldn't put a finger on. He frowned.

_Does it really matter? _Voice inside his head asked. He grinned, turning the cigarette off.

No. It doesn't matter at all.

I finished all my homework extra early that Tuesday, and I didn't feel like drawing just yet.

'_Cause you know _he _won't be there yet. _Voice inside my head whispered, and I shook my head.

"I just don't feel like drawing." I murmured, not even convincing myself. With a sigh, I got up from my chair, heading out. I lived in Wammy's for almost a week, and still haven't checked all of it out. This was probably the best chance I was going to get to do it.

I walked down familiar halls, heading for public wing. Ali told me they had a library there, and some sort of gym, and play room, and game room, and so on. I actually got excited about checking it out.

I entered the first room- it was the music room, with instruments stored in cupboards made entirely out of glass, with little notes hung on them instructing to ask miss Mays for keys. There was also a piano, only unlocked instrument, and I felt familiar bittersweet taste in my mouth. Mom used to play piano- she was great at it, and she would often play for us. Struggling to keep myself from crying, I shut the doors and opened the next one. This was the library- I half expected Mello to be there, and was glad when I saw he wasn't. The room was actually empty, except for the old lady sitting behind the desk, probably the librarian. I didn't want her to spot me, so I quietly shut the doors, heading for next.

Two doors later, I entered the play room. I flew my eyes across it- it was really sweet, with light blue walls, white carpet, and bunch of toys everywhere. I was just about to shut the doors when I noticed the kid sitting on the carpet. It was quite a shock- he blend in with the carpet perfectly- and sight of him just made me want to shut the doors even faster.

"Hello." Crap. He noticed me.

"Um, hi, Near." I murmured awkwardly, watching him as he continued playing with dice- he was building a pretty realistic copy of Big Ben.

"Am I disturbing you?" He asked, his voice robotic as always.

_Yeah, pretty much. _"No, why?"

"It appeared as if you wanted to run away from me." He turned to face me, his eyes perfectly emotionless.

"No, I just…" Why was he so scary? He looked years younger than me. "I just didn't find anything in here that would, um, stir my interest."

"I see." He turned back to his dice. "I apologize for keeping you back. You surely have a lot of things to do."

That was the part where I was supposed to agree and get myself as far from there as possible. But I had a question on my mind for a while now, and I couldn't leave without getting an answer.

"Hey, Near?" I asked, feeling a bit more confident.

"Yes?" He didn't bother to look at me. Guess he wasn't comfortable with making eye-contact. That fact made him much less scary, and I allowed myself to smile. "Do you hate me?"

His hand, placing another dice on the top of his construction, stopped for a brief second. "No. Should I?"

"I just thought…you know, 'cause Mello hates me." I said, struggling to get the words out.

"I do not hate you." Near said. "Neither does Mello. He is just envious of your intellect."

I was taken aback. Was that…a compliment? From Near? I allowed myself a small smile. The whole no-eye-contact and hand-in-the-air thing made him look much more human to me.

"Well, I'm glad." I murmured.

"And of course, your relationship with Matt is not making him much happier."

The sentence made my jaw drop. "My…_what?"_

"I am well aware of you growing keen on each other." He said, still not making any eye contact. "And of him spending the night in your room."

I stared at him, wide eyed. "W-what? How do you know all of that?"

"It's quite obvious." He finally looked at me. "At least to me."

Alright. Know how I said he seemed human to me at all? Well, forget that. At that moment, he had me paralyzed with fear. I gulped.

"Um, okay." I managed to say. "Well, bye."

"Goodbye." He turned back to his dice, and I shut the doors, running to my room.

_The kid was scary. _

It wasn't the fact he showed no emotions- just 'cause you hide them doesn't mean you don't have them- or the fact he was, well, white. It was the fact he obviously knew everything about me, even though he only talked to me once. It was quite frightening. I was so distracted with the thoughts I didn't even notice Matt before I bumped into him.

"Hey." He grinned, holding my wrists to keep me from falling. "Where's the fire?"

I looked up at him, still shivering a bit. "Near knows."  
>He rose an eyebrow. "He knows what exactly?"<p>

"Everything." I whispered. "And I mean _everything_."


	10. Chapter 10

„What do you mean, he knows?" Matt asked, releasing the hold on my wrists once he was sure I was not going to fall.

"He knows you've slept in my room." I said. _Only room, I hope. _

Matt rose an eyebrow. "How…wait, how do you know he knows? Did you talk to him? Maybe he just bluffed. He has a pretty good poker face, believe it or not."

I shook my head. "He told me he knows you've spent the night in my room."

Matt frowned. "Did he threaten to tell?"

"N-no." I bit my lip. "Well, I kind of got out of there as soon as he told me, so maybe he was about to…"

Matt shook his head. "If he didn't threaten you right away, he's not planning to. He's probably just messing with your head. I don't think he'll tell anyone." _Or that anyone will believe him._

I gave it a thought. "Maybe you're right."

"I am. Don't freak out over this, okay? He's probably just trying to get back at you for stealing his place."

I grinned. "But how does he know?"

"Near is…" Matt searched for words. "Not very human-like."

"You think?" I rose an eyebrow, grinning even harder. I loved how Matt had this superpower to calm me down whenever I got upset.

"Where were you heading to, anyways?" I asked, smiling at him.

He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. "Smoke break. Want to make me company?"

"Sure." I grinned. "Let's go."

It took him an hour to complete the Big Ben, and now he was staring at it, his hand busy twirling a pearl white curl of his hair. He sighed, getting up, heading for his room. As he walked past the window, he caught a glimpse of Matt and Alexx walking towards the old oak tree. He gave them a brief glance, and then continued walking.

Near arrived at the orphanage seven years ago, but no one got quite used to him. It was obvious from the glares he got as he walked up the stairs- other kids stopped everything they were doing and stared in silence, waiting for him to pass. It didn't bother him, not any more. He got used to being an oddity. It was to be expected, with his odd appearance.

Near was aware his hair stood out in the crowd, and his clothes didn't help him a lot. But he couldn't stop wearing white- he knew he'll never be able to do that. It became more than just a habit to him now- when he caught his reflection in mirror, and saw the perfectly white clothes on him, he felt as he did everything right. As if he had the control.

He sighed, his mind wandering off to his father. He hated the fact his father was a constant in his life, but gave up fighting it- it was only putting him under more stress.

His father would probably be proud of him now- Near being number one would make him happy, maybe even happy enough not to hit mom; he never hit Near, unless he was very drunk or very mad.

Near reached his room, and sat at his bed, catching a glimpse of his reflection. There was a strong emotion in his eyes- fear- and he closed them immediately.

_If you can't see it, it's not real. _He thought, making himself believe it, his hand still twirling his hair.

Near hated being afraid. It was sign of weakness- his father hated weakness. He opened his eyes, glaring at his reflection, until he was sure there was no trace of fear- or any other emotion- left in his eyes. His father was dead for almost seven years now, but Near could still feel his presence- as if he was still going to get punished if he gets his clothes dirty, of openly shows emotions, or anything his father didn't approve of.

Near stared at his reflection, only emotion his father ever showed- or approved of- taking over his features. Rage.

He hated his father. Hated him with every part of his consciousness. He hated the white clothes he couldn't make himself stop wearing. He hated the stoic expression his father beat onto his face. Hated the constant fear that followed him whatever he had done. Hated himself, for not being able to fight his father, not even now that he was dead.

To most of the children, Wammy's House was a shock- they were taken from their warm homes to the competitive atmosphere of the orphanage. But to Near, Wammy's was an escape. The pressure that being the next L put on them was nothing compared to knowing his mother will take the beating if he doesn't memorize that day's lesson perfectly. He had grown a memory that could be compared to video camera- he memorized everything he saw, able to repeat it to perfect detail later. In five years he spent with his family, he had became what his father wanted him to be- a robot. Intelligent, obedient, with hardly any need for food or water. His robot toy stared at him from the window sill- he stared back at it, wondering if people saw how much they were alike.

Near sighed, taking the toy from the window and pulling it tight to his chest as he crawled under his covers. His father never approved toys- never approved playing of any kind. He made Near wear only white so he could see if Near went out to play with other children, or climbed to the dusty attic for toys he hid up there- and if he spotted any sign of dirt or dust on the white fabric, Near was to take the blow. Sometimes, Near would start bleeding, and that would infuriate his father even more, especially since blood stains were almost impossible to wash off. When he arrived at Wammy's, Roger asked him whether he wanted any toys, and Near eagerly said yes- so far, that was the only thing in which he was able to disobey his father. The toy robot was the first toy he got, and he carried it everywhere he went- it was the trophy of his only victory, the only reminder his father was no longer alive.

And that was the biggest difference between Near and the other orphans. It wasn't the fact he showed no emotions, did better than any of them, or had white hair (his hair was originally black, just like his mothers, but as he reached five, his hair was already completely grey from constant fear), or wore only white;

it was the fact Near was the only person in the Wammy's who was actually happy to be an orphan.


	11. Chapter 11

I yawned, glancing up at the clock hung above the whiteboard. Our history teacher, mister Darren, was passionately retelling us some event that took place three hundred years ago, and I don't think a single person in the classroom was paying any attention. Sighing, I picked my pencil up, making a little sketch of the teacher on my desk. Five more minutes, and the class was over. Just five more minutes.

Just another little eternity.

I glanced up again, my eyes scanning the room for familiar faces. I spotted Matt first- he looked up from game he was playing under his table and grinned at me.

_Bored? _He mouthed.

_You have no idea. _I mouthed back. He grinned again, shrugged, and then focused on his game again. I caught a glimpse of Mello sitting besides him- he was among the rare ones who actually paid attention. His hand was constantly shifting, one second looking up at the teacher, then looking down at his notebook to jot the information down. I looked down on blank page in front of me, wondering should I do the same.

_Ah, fuck it. _I yawned. _Maybe this won't be in the test. _

My eyes went up again, and I searched the room for Near- he was sitting on his usual place, playing with his robot. He looked completely focused on the toy, but I had the feeling he memorized every world Mr. Darren said.

_It seems like there won't be a tie on the next test. _I thought bitterly. _At least not triple_. I picked my pencil up again, doing sketch of classroom from my point of view. I started drawing each person as fast as I could, determined to get something done this class. I actually managed to finish the drawing before the bell rung, and I gave it a brief proud glance before shutting the notebook and hurrying off to my room. This was the last class of the day, and I wanted to finish my homework as fast as I could, so I could meet up with Matt. Our encounters became the best part of every day, and I wanted them to be as long as possible- still, I had to keep my good results up. It became a habit to me now, doing my homework on daily bases- and I tended to cling to my habits.

I managed to finish my homework in two hours, and after a quick glance at today's lesson in history book, I pulled my converses on, grabbed my notebook, and headed out.

It was an unusually warm day, and if most of the trees weren't already leafless, it would look like middle of the summer. I sat on the bench under the oak tree, knowing Matt will appear sooner or later, and pulled my notebook out. I flipped to the blank side and bit my lip, wondering what to draw. There was one face that was constantly coming to my mind, and I finally gave it in, making sketches of Matt's features.

It took me longer than usual to finish the drawing, since I paid extra time to the details, wanting everything to look as realistic as possible. I was so focused on drawing his messy hair I didn't even hear him approach.

"You're getting better." Matt noted, sitting next to me. I blushed, closing the notebook shut.

"Oh, come on, I already saw it." He grinned, puling out his cigarette. "You should finish it. It's really good."

"'Kay, I will." I flipped the page open and continued working. "Has anything interesting happened so far?"

"Not really." He let out a smoke. "Has Near threatened you yet?"

I elbowed him. "Shut up."

"I'd elbow you back, but I don't want to spoil the masterpiece." He glanced at my drawing. "Is my hair really that messy?"

I looked up at him, laughing. "Yes."

"Oh."

"Nothing little combing can't fix." I said, rising my hand. "Can I?"

"Do whatever you want." Matt shrugged. I started pulling my fingers through his hair, until it looked almost decent.

"Here." I grinned. "Much better."

He rolled his eyes. "You're the one to say. When was the last time you combed your hair?"

My hand rose up to my hair defensively. "What was that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing." Matt smirked at my reaction. "It's a bit messy too, that's all."

I ran a hand through it. My hair was naturally straight, so I never had to do much to make it look decent, but I did comb it rarely since I've arrived to Wammy's, and even though it still looked okay, it really was a bit messy.

"It's still not as bad as yours." I noted. "Was, I mean. Before I've done my magic."

"Okay, let me do my magic then." Matt put a cigarette to his lips, running his fingers through my hair for a couple of times.

"Now we're talking." He let out a smoke, smiling.

"Okay, now we both have great hair," I smiled back. "I want the final review on the drawing."

I handed him the paper, and he gave it a good look. "Da Vinci would be jealous."

"I know." I chuckled. "Mona Lisa could never have such cool hair."  
>"My hair's cool, eh?" He grinned.<p>

"Of course." I grinned back. "Now that I've dealt with it."

It was around six p.m. when Mello realized Matt's smoke break took notably longer than usual. He narrowed his eyes, his brain working frantically. Matt's smoke breaks were getting longer and longer each day, and Mello honestly hoped his best friend wasn't really spending them smoking. Nonetheless, the redhead was keeping something away from him, and it had been bugging him for a while now.

Closing the science book shut, he got out of the room, heading for Matt's nearest smoking place- window at the end of the hallway. He doubted his friend was actually there, but the window had a good view of the Wammy's garden, and he could quickly scan the outside area without actually having to go outside.

He reached the window in less than a minute and looked out- there were some kids playing football in front of the entrance doors, but besides them, it looked as if no one was outside. The blonde was just about to head for the attic, when he caught a glimpse of a movement next to the old oak tree. He narrowed his eyes, shifting to get a better view. Matt was there- he could easily spot his bright red hair- but he couldn't see face of the person next to him. With a sigh, he backed off the window. Guess he'll have to go outside, after all.


	12. Chapter 12

„Matt?"

"Yeah?"

"You should stick to computers."

Matt laughed, pulling the paper he just drew on out and handing it over to me. "You get to keep this."

"Wow, thank you." I chuckled, taking another look at the drawing. "Is this really supposed to be me?"

"Yes, that's you." Matt nodded. "You have the identical hair, see?"

I laughed, putting the drawing in my notebook. "Guess we do."

Matt decided he'll draw a portrait of me in exchange for the drawing I gave him when we first talked, so he drew a stickman figurine with bunch of hair growing in all directions, holding a notebook. It made me chuckle every time I'd look at it.

"And don't be so stuck up. It's not like you'd be much better at hacking." Matt noted.

"Don't be so sure. Maybe I'm also a random hacking genius."

Matt grinned. "The creepy thing is that it could very well be true."

I laughed. "Don't worry. I know nothing about hacking."  
>"I can teach you a few tricks if you want. It might be handy once you become the next L."<p>

I frowned. "You too, Matt, you too?"

He laughed. "God, I love your reactions."

I ignored his statement. "I'd figure at least you wouldn't write off all the other candidates, especially since one of them is your best friend."

"Well, you're still not a candidate." Matt noted. "L didn't get to see your results yet. But once he does, I'm pretty sure he'll put you as a top candidate."

"If Mello doesn't behead me 'til then."

"True." Matt laughed. "Let's hope he doesn't. It'd be awfully boring without you here."

"You'd still have him." I noted.

"Not if they put him away for murder."

"He'd get away with it." I murmured. "People say he can be very charming, when his head is out of the book."

Matt laughed. "Okay, yes, he can." His smile faded, and he looked at me, suddenly serious.

"What's wrong?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Promise me you'll never become like that." He said. "You know. Obsessed with being number one and all."  
>I smiled. "I don't think you need to worry about that ever happening. I'm far from being Mello."<p>

"Mello was far from being…Mello." Matt allowed himself a brief smirk. "Then he turned Mello. Wammy's House does that to people."

"Not to you."  
>"Well, I never study."<p>

I frowned. "Number three never studies?"

"Four. You pushed me to fourth place."

I bit my lip. "Oh right. Sorry."

He rolled his eyes. "Fuck, Alexx. I don't care about that stuff." He got serious again. "But you do."

"Yeah, but that's not all I care about." I noted.

"I know." Matt smiled. "I'm just worried it'll become."

"Trust me, it won't." I smiled back. "I don't even want to be the next L. I want people to know who I am, not be the faceless person behind the single letter."

Matt looked relieved. "Really?"

"Yeah." My smile grew wider. "Besides, I care about you more than about position on some lousy list."

Matt's eyes widened, and I realized what I had just said. Blood rushed up to my face, and I looked away, suddenly wishing I could just crawl up in some hall and wait to die.

"Oh fuck." I murmured.

"…You care about me?" Matt asked.

"Um, I-" I tried to form a normal sentence, but my brain was completely frozen by terror.

"Well, that's good." He said. "'Cause I care about you too."

I stared up at him, my eyes wide, unsure what to say. My heart started beating rapidly, and world spun around me- it was good that I was sitting, 'cause I'd definitely hit the floor if I was on my feet.

Matt's face started coming closer, and it wasn't until our lips met that I realized it wasn't my dizziness- it was really happening. I kissed him back, hardly able to believe what is going on.

I was kissing a guy. I was kissing a guy in _Wammy's House- _stuff like that don't happen in places like Wammy's House.

But hey, it seems like they do. I wrapped my hands around Matt's neck and pulled him closer. Smell of cigarettes was almost overpowering, but I didn't mind. Not when it was coming from Matt.

I don't know how long it had lasted. All I know is that, when we finally parted, both Matt and I were breathless, both of us were blushing, and both of us had huge grins on our faces.

"Um, so…" I murmured, awkwardly running finger through my hair.

"Yeah, um…" Matt murmured too, pushing his fists in his pockets.

"This was nice." I blurted out.

"Yeah." He agreed. We looked at each other, and then I looked away, knowing my face is probably as red as his hair.

"So, we should probably-" Matt started, when I spun to face him, and pulled him to another kiss. He wrapped his arms around me, just as he did that night, and I felt as if I was going to pass out- this was too good to be true.

We parted again, just to catch some air (he needed it especially- his nicotine covered lungs weren't what they were supposed to be), and I just couldn't get the stupid grin off my face.

"Guess I'm not turning Mello after all." I chuckled. "Well, at least I hope. I don't know what's going on with you and-"

Matt laughed and pressed his lips against mine once again, cutting me off.

"That was a nice way to shut me up." I whispered before I kissed him back. I don't know how long we'd stay that way, if it wasn't for the gasp someone let behinds us. We both pulled away- me feeling embarrassed, and Matt recognizing the person who let it out.

"So, this is how it is, eh?" Voice said bitterly, and my eyes went wide in shock. _Well, fuck. _

"Mello." Matt looked up at his best friend, who spun around and started running towards the Wammy's House. "Fuck, wait! Mello!"

He jumped off the bench and looked down at me apologetically.

"Go." I smiled at him reassuringly. He nodded and rushed after the blonde. "Mello!"

I sighed, pulling my legs up at the bench, curling myself as tight as I could. Just a few minutes earlier, I felt like I was meters above the ground. Now, I had the feeling I had hit the bottom.


	13. Chapter 13

„Mello!" Matt entered the room, his breathing heavy from the long run. Mello wasn't there. He sighed, shutting the doors behind him and sliding on the floor.

"Fuck." He murmured. He had already searched most of the Wammy's- including bathroom stalls, where he was ninety percent sure his best friend would be- but found no trace of Mello. There was only one place he hadn't searched, and if he really was there, Matt couldn't do a thing about it. He sighed again.

_Roger's office. _Mello could be there for two reasons: first one was to request a new room, but even his hot-headed best friend wouldn't go that far. Second one was to let Roger in on the events that took place in Alexx's room that one night. He couldn't decide which option seemed worse.

Well fuck. This was bad.

He was just wondering whether he should pack his stuff, just in case Mello kicks him out again, when doors opened and the mentioned blonde walked in.

"So here you are." He narrowed his eyes.

"Mello." Matt stood up. "We need to talk."

"We have nothing to talk about."

"Please-"

"Of all the girls, it had to be her?" Mello cut him of. "You know I can't stand her."

"I know. I'm sorry you feel that way, but-"

"She probably doesn't even care about you." Mello murmured. "She just enjoys stealing every good thing in my life."

Matt stared up at his friend, blood rushing to his face.

"Fuck, Mihael." His voice was brooding with rage, and he didn't even realize he used Mello's real name. "Of course it's about you. When wasn't it about you?"

Mello was silent for a moment, taken aback with Matt's reaction.

"What-" He opened his mouth, only to close them a second later. "Just- Roger wants to see you in his office. Now."  
>"I wonder why." Matt murmured bitterly, heading out.<p>

"Don't bother to come back once you're done." Mello called after him. _"Mail." _

Matt didn't reply, all of his rage now replaced with quilt. Two of them used to get in fights on almost daily bases, but they never hit under the belt- and using Mello's real name definitely was under the belt.

"Matt!" Familiar voice finally broke him out of his thoughts. He looked behind, shooting Alexx a weak smile.

"I'll make a wild guess and say things didn't go too well with Mello." She said, catching up with him.

"He snitched us of to Roger." He nodded, walking down the sets of stairs. "I'm sorry."

"For what? I was the one who invited you in, and Mello was the one who snitched us." She shot him a reassuring smile. "You did nothing wrong."

Matt couldn't help but smile back. "Okay. What's the story?"  
>She bit her lip, and he could almost see wheels turning behind her pale green eyes. "Okay. What does Roger know?"<p>

Matt furrowed his brow. "Actually, I have no idea."

They stopped in front of the tall, light colored doors, and Mello took a deep breath before knocking on them.

"Come in!" Roger called. Matt shot Alexx a reassuring smile and pushed the doors open.

"Matt. Alexx. I've been expecting you." Roger smiled from behind his desk. "Come, take a seat."

They walked over to the two chairs that were obviously waiting for them, and sat down. Suddenly, Matt felt nervous. He was never good at bluffing- Mello was the one who was getting them out of trouble. He shot a quick glance at Alexx, hoping she has better poker face than him.

"So, you two." Roger smiled. "I've just spoken with your friend Mello."

Matt nodded, looking down at his shivering hands. He wished he had a game- or a cigarette- or anything to keep his mind occupied. He looked up at Alexx with corner of his eye- she had an innocent expression on, staring at Roger wide eyed.

"I'm sure that was interesting," She smiled. "But what does that have to do with us?"

"He told me some interesting rumors." Roger said, looking at them over the edge of his glasses. "I'm sure you heard of them too."

"Rumors? I'm afraid you'll have to be more precise." Alexx let out a casual giggle. "There are a lot of rumors going around."  
>"The ones about this young man-" He shot a glance at Matt's direction, and he put on his best bored expression. "Sleeping over in your room."<p>

Alexx's eyes widened, as in shock, and she dropped her jaw.

"I have no experience with things like that happening here in Wammy's," Roger continued. "And you didn't give me an impression you were that kind of a girl."

Alexx blushed, and looked down at her hands.

"I- I don't know what to say." She looked up at Roger, and Matt had to admit she got a sinister act going on. "I had no idea those stories were going around. I- I assure you I would never do anything like that."

Roger narrowed his head, looking at her. Matt followed his example.

"I-" She looked at Matt, and he blinked in surprise. "It is true I hang out with Matt a lot, but…I'm only fourteen!" She took in a deep breath. "I would never- I couldn't- my parents haven't raised me that way!"

She stared up at Roger, intensity of her gaze making him blink in surprise.

"My parents are dead for less than two weeks, and you actually believe I would let them down like this, whoring myself off?" She raised her voice, her eyes looking as if she was about to cry. Matt had to suppress a chuckle. The battle was won.

"I- no, I would never." Roger pulled out a tissue out of his drawer and handed it over to Alexx, whose eyes began to tear up. "I just wanted to make sure, that is all."

She nodded, wiping her eyes. "A-alright."

"You don't have anything to add?" Roger glanced at Matt. He shook his head.

"Alright. Well, I am sorry for the inconveniencies." Roger said, getting up. "Matt, would you please make sure Alexx reaches her room safely?"

"Of course." Matt got up. "Let's go."

Alexx nodded, shooting Roger an apologetic smile before heading outside.

They kept quiet until they were sure Roger could no longer hear us.

"Well, well." Matt grinned, turning to face her. "And Oscar for the best faked cry goes to…"

Alexx looked down, blushing. "It's easy for me to start crying lately. I just need to think of home and…"

Matt nodded, taking a hold of her hand.

"You were still great." He whispered. "Mello will kill you if he finds out you also can act."

She smiled up at him, her eyes still a bit teary. "Shut up."

They've reached her room, and she turned to say goodbye, when Matt pulled her closer and pressed his lips against hers.

They parted few seconds later, and Matt grinned. "Sleep tight."

"Thank you." She grinned back. "Good luck with your roommate."  
>It hit his head then that Mello kicked him out. However, sleeping over it Alexx's room again didn't seem like a good idea- fake tears probably couldn't save them the second time.<p>

"Thank you. I'll need it." Matt pressed another quick kiss to her lips, and then she closed the doors, and he walked out of the female hall.

_What now? _He pulled out a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it. He thought it over while smoking, and by the time he turned the cigarette off, he had the answer.

He was going to his room. Mello couldn't make him sleep outside. In the worst scenario, he'll get Roger to talk some sense into him. He took a deep breath and headed for his room.

_Please, Mell. _He thought to himself. _Be asleep. _


	14. Chapter 14

He wasn't.

Matt walked in his room, finding himself face to face with still angry Mello, sitting on his chair, looking as if he was waiting for redhead to arrive.

"Matt." He hissed.

"Mello." Matt gulped. "You…you're still awake."

"I was curious to see will you crawl back here or sleep over at your girlfriend's room again." Mello narrowed his eyes. "Although you probably wouldn't get much sleep there."

Matt sighed. He wasn't sure how to feel about everyone believing him and Alexx were doing it. "I- fuck, Mello, what is your problem?"

Mello blinked in surprise. "What do you mean, what's my problem?"

"What is it about me and Alexx that infuriates you that much?" Matt pushed his hands into his pockets. "I'm sorry I haven't told you I was spending time with her, but after you overreacting the first time you found out, it didn't seem like a good idea."

Mello turned to face his desk, ignoring his friend's statement. "Fine. You can sleep here. Just…stay out of my way."

"Mello-"

"Shut up." Mello spun around, shooting him a raging look. Matt sighed, crawling under his covers.

"Fine." He murmured. He was going to deal with this in the morning- Mello should be able to have a sane conversation by then. With another sigh, he pulled his goggles off and closed his eyes. It was a long day.

However, when the horribly annoying alarm clock woke him up the next morning, the room was empty. He had just enough time to throw some clean clothes on before rushing to the classroom. It seemed like Mello was still angry with him. He sighed, grabbing one of his games and shoving it in his pocket. This was going to be harder than it seemed.

I felt sick from the moment I woke up- I had a good idea why- so I decided to skip breakfast and head straight for science. I pulled on a clean shirt and my jeans, combed my hair (I paid more attention to it now I knew Matt noticed it) and brushed my teeth, the horrible nausea not going away.

I wasn't sure why was I so nervous. Maybe because there was a good chance Mello'll walk up to me and kill me in front of everyone, or because the rumor of why Matt and I were called to Roger's office was probably already out. Most of the Wammy's didn't believe in the stories that were spreading around, but there was quite a few people that did- and Ali was one of them. I sighed, grabbing my books and heading down. The halls were empty- everyone was having breakfast, like normal people- and by the time I've reached the classroom, I felt almost good. But then I walked in, and sight of only two faces inside made my nausea come back, stronger than before.

Near and Mello. What a lovely beginning of the day.

Near didn't look up when I walked in- I didn't expect him too- but Mello did, and his facial expression made it clear he and Matt didn't talk it out. Looking down, I took my seat and tried to avoid his gaze.

Finally, it became too much to handle. I spun my head to face him, meeting his gaze. He looked away immediately. This would be ridiculous, if I wasn't part of it.

"Okay, this is it." I got up and headed over to him. He looked up, stunned by my boldness.

"What do you want?" He quickly pulled himself together.

"I want to know what was it that I did that made you so pissed." I crossed my arms against my chest. "I gave it a lot of thought, you see, and I can't think of an answer."

He looked away, pulling a chocolate bar out of his pocket.

"You're not going to answer me?" I rolled my eyes. "Fine then. I can wait."

I slid down on the chair besides him, and he looked at me, his eyes wide in shock. I looked back, rising an eyebrow.

"I'm not going anywhere." I warned.

He sighed, shifting his gaze in front of him, avoiding an eye contact.

"You are so childish." I sighed. "Okay, I'll try to guess. Are you and Matt involved?"

He looked at me in surprise. "Of course not."

"I'm just trying to understand what do you have against him hanging out with me." I rose my hands in defensive mode. "Have you fallen for him?"

He rolled his eyes and looked away.

"I'm guessing that's a 'no'." I bit my lip. "Hm. Had he made a pact he'll never talk to anyone but you?"

"No." Mello murmured. I smiled. I got him to talk to me.

"Why are you so possessive, then?" I asked. "Am I the problem?"

By now, I've got even Near's attention- he stopped playing with his robot and was listening to our conversation.

"Wow, that was fast." Mello rolled his eyes. "And you're supposed to be number one."

"I am not on the list yet." I reminded him. "And I know that you don't like me. I just can't believe you'd bitch your best friend out like this just because he kissed a girl that's smarter than you."

He looked at me. "You are smarter than me now?"

"I think we've already stated that." I held his gaze. "Answer me."

"I think I've missed a question."

"Why do you hate me?"

He looked at me, and then quickly shifted his gaze.

"I don't hate you." He murmured.

"You're afraid." I whispered. It wasn't a question, but he nodded.

"Because Matt likes me." Pieces of puzzle started coming together. "And you think…oh fuck, you're such an idiot."

He looked at me in surprise.

"Matt doesn't like me more than you." I laughed. "He got up from the bench in less than a second and left me to run after you. What does that tell us?"

Mello looked down, blush coming to his cheeks. "That he's really fast?"

I laughed again and did something that caught both of us off guard- hugged him.

"You are his best friend." I said. "He's not going to abandon you for me."

"You think?" Mello asked. I was surprised by the amount of vulnerability in his voice.

"Yeah." I patted his back and pulled away. "But I think it would be a good idea to apologize to him."

He sat back in his chair and bit his lip. "Yeah. I should."

"Okay. So we got that covered?" I got up, and he nodded. "Great. Oh, and one more thing-"

He looked up at me, curiosity in his eyes.

"I don't want to be the next L." I said, shrugging. "You're not fighting me. Neither are you, Near."

I caught a glimpse of Near stopping his hair twirling thing for a brief second, obviously caught off guard. I chuckled.

"I'll tell Roger that today. You don't need to worry about me stealing your place." I turned to walk to my seat. "Good luck to both of you, by the way."  
>Mello's gaze didn't leave me for next five minutes, and then he focused on something else. I sighed, smiling to myself. I've done something right. I've prevented a war. It felt really, really good.<p>

And nausea was gone, too.

Opening a blank page of my notebook, I almost unconsciously made a sketch of Mello's face. By the time other student's arrived, I was done, and I stared down at the drawing, wondering what should I do with it. It wasn't like I could give it to Mello- I was pretty sure he still felt a bit of resentment towards me- and I wasn't sure what would Matt do with it. I smiled again. Mello was going to apologize to Matt because of _me._

The feeling was brilliant.

***author's note* Here, I've been good, wasn't I? I've uploaded seven chapters today *party hard* Anyways, my winter break is over this monday, so I won't be able to publish as much as I'd like, but I promise to do my best. Many thanks to my kind reviewers, I love you all to death. :)**


	15. Chapter 15

I took a deep breath before knocking on the wooden doors. They cracked open almost immediately. I took a step back, surprised.

"Come in." Roger smiled at my expression, his voice as kind as usual. I smiled back and entered, shutting the doors behind me.

"Alexx." He gestured to the seat in front of his desk, smile still on his face. "I've expected you."

"Oh?" _Of course he had. _

"Yes." Roger nodded. "Mello was already here."

I stifled an urge to roll my eyes. "Oh. I see."

"So, is it true?" Roger asked. "You have no ambition of becoming the next L?"

"Well, yeah, it's true." I suddenly felt as if I was letting him down. Blood rushed up to my face, and I looked down, letting hair cover my blushed cheeks. "I- no disrespect to L, but, well, it's just not for me."

"Why not?" Roger's voice was curious- not upset, not mad. Just…truly interested.

"Well…" I took a deep breath. "I…I appreciate all the education you are giving me, and everything you've been doing for me. But I just don't want to become L. I don't like the idea. I hate it, actually."

Roger seemed taken aback a bit. Guess no one in Wammy's ever said something like that.

"It's for Near. Or Mello. They have what it takes…or more, lack what they need to lack. Near especially. He pushed every emotion away. He is able to view things objectively. Stress is not getting to him. He is…almost not human."

Roger narrowed his head. "Oh?"

"And Mello. He'll do anything to be L."

"But stress is getting to him. Does it make him less sufficient?"

"No." My eyes went wide. I realized I've just held a speech praising Near- like Mello didn't have enough reasons to hate me already. "Not at all. He…"

I took a deep breath, just to clear my head. "He…his ability to focus on studying is amazing. He is determined to be the next L. He'd work his ass off on every case."

"Won't it drive him insane?" Roger asked. He wasn't smiling anymore- was he actually discussing who should be L's heir with _me? _Was he actually taking me seriously?

"No." Smile suddenly reached my lips. "He has Matt."

Roger rose an eyebrow, question marks in his eyes.

"Matt is his best friend. Matt always managed to calm him down. Matt is also intelligent, and able to help." I took another deep breath. "If Mello will become L, he'll need to take Matt with him."

"Only one person can be L." Roger said, and something in the way he said it made me doubt whether it was true. I pushed the thought away.

"I didn't even mean- Matt wouldn't be the second half of L. He'd be his help. His hacker. His…I don't know. Friend. He needs him."

"If that would be the case, Matt would be his huge weakness." Roger noted. "If the world was to find out-"

"They're not stupid. They both grew up here, they know how it works."

His next question caught me off guard. "Would Matt agree to it?"

I blinked in surprise. "I- Sure. Why wouldn't he?"

Roger smiled. "I think we both know."

I stared at him- _was he saying what I think he was?_ "He'd do it." I said firmly. "He is his best friend. Friendship doesn't fade away-"

…_as easy as love._

That was the first time the thought reached my head, settled inside my brain, and started tearing me apart. L moves constantly. They won't be able to drag me around.

I was going to lose Matt.

The day was over, and there was still no trace of Matt to be found. Mello was starting to feel anxious.

He'd been a jerk to Matt. He was aware of that. He only hoped his best friend will be willing to forgive him one more time.

Reaching his room, he paused for a brief second, and then walked in. Matt wasn't there.

"Fuck." He murmured. There were a millions placed he could be. Will he really need to search the entire Wammy's?

Tap on his back caught him completely off guard. He spun around, finding himself face to face with familiar redhead. He stifled a sigh of relief.

"Matt." A small smile escaped his lips. "I've been looking for you."

Matt narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms against his chest. "Hm."

"Matt." Mello looked down. He hated this kind of situation. "I'm…sorry."

Matt seemed taken aback. "Oh?"

"Could you please start using real words?"

"Yeah."

"And sentences?"

Matt gazed at his friend, eyes narrow. "You're apologizing?"

"Yes." Mello sighed. "I overreacted. I always do. You know that. You know me."

Matt grinned. "Guess I do."

Mello smiled, suddenly feeling much better. "Let's go inside."

They entered the room, and Matt threw himself at his bed, still gazing at his best friend.

"What made you apologize?" He finally asked. "You seemed determined to never talk to me again last night."

_Well, maybe I just got wiser- _"The new girl."

Matt's eyes widened in surprise. "Alexx? You've talked to Alexx?"

Mello nodded, sliding on his bed.

"Had she threatened you?"

Mello rolled his eyes. "We just talked."

Matt nodded.

"She's actually nice."

"I know."

Mello grinned. "Nice catch."

Matt grinned back. "Just so you know, we didn't do it."

"It?"

"_It._"

"Oh." Mello nodded. "Then what were you doing in her room?"

Matt laughed openly, shaking his head. "That's a long story."


	16. Chapter 16

"What do you think?"

I furrowed my brow, letting the suggestion settle in my brain. Roger glanced at me patiently, kind half-smile on his lips.

I finally looked up. "Okay."

"You agree?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "Sounds like a good plan. Perfect, actually. Very smart of you. You should be the next L."

Roger chuckled, clearly amused. "I'm glad you decided to cooperate."

"Yeah, so am I." I smiled playfully. "Will I have heirs too? Maybe Mello can take after me and-"

"I'd prefer it if you'd take this seriously."

"Okay." I said, smile still on my lips. "I _am _taking this seriously, just so you know."

Roger glanced at me over his glasses. "Mhm."

So, the deal I've just agreed to. It was a really good one, actually. After I've came to him with the whole 'I-don't-want-to-be-L' thing, Roger asked a perfectly reasonable question:

_Then why should we keep you here? _

Which, since it was so reasonable, I had an answer for:

"There are quite a lot of children here, and only one will become L. What will happen to others? They won't stay in here forever."

"Well, yes, that's true." Roger clearly didn't expect me to answer. "They will probably leave and start a career on their own."

And that's how we came to an idea of me becoming a private detective once I reach the age. I wouldn't be L, but would use the same approach as he does, keeping my identity a secret. And, the part I liked the most, I'd be able to lead a normal life when not working on a case.

It was perfect.

"Is that all?" Roger asked.

"Um, guess so." I nodded.

"Alright." Roger smiled. "Enjoy your evening."

"Roger." I chuckled and headed for the doors. He rolled his eyes- he probably had a fair share of the joke by now- and waved me off.

Still keeping a smile on my face, I've headed for my room.

_Please, Matt. Don't run into me. _

I managed to avoid any human contact until reaching the safety of my own four walls. Sliding down on the floor, I allowed my brain to comprehend what exactly was going to happen.

_But it won't. _I forced the thought to my panicked head. _I won't let it happen._

I had to be able to do it. Fuck, only reason I was not becoming the next L was the fact I chose so. If someone could find a way to keep her (boy)friend without making him ditch his best friend, it had to be me.

Or not.

I took a deep breath, forcing the panic out of my head, getting a clear view of things.

_When L dies- which is not going to happen any time soon- either Near or Mello will take his place. If, for some reason, L settles for Mello, Matt will go with him. And I won't see him ever again. _

I furrowed my brow and looked up. Was I freaking retarded? I've based my whole mental breakdown on things that might happen.

It was probably my time of the month again.

With a sigh, I got back on my feet and staggered to the desk, glancing at the half-finished science homework.

I might as well finish it. I don't need to give Roger any more reasons to kick me out.

Half an hour later, I had finished all my homework, and was gazing at the history book, my mind wandering. Finally, I closed the book shut and grabbed my notebook. It was Matt's smoke time. The duty was calling.

She was already there. Matt slowed down, taking in the sight. The odd feeling he got whenever she was close returned, and suddenly, he didn't really want the cigarette.

"Hey." He murmured, quickening the pace. "You're not drawing?"

Her notebook was with her- it always seemed to be- but this time it was closed, resting in her lap. Alexx looked up at him and smiled.

"I was just about to." She murmured. "You're late."

He rolled his eyes and slid to his usual seat. "My apologies. Maybe I could draw you another portrait or something."

"Don't. Please."

He chuckled and casually picked up her notebook. He expected her to tear it out of his hand, like she usually did, but she just continued staring into the distance, her eyes distant.

"Is everything okay?" He asked, following her gaze. It was still early, and sun was bright, casting it streaks through naked branches of the old oak tree. The sensation of sun on his skin was unnatural to him- unnatural, but not necessarily bad.

The girl was going to turn him in an outdoors type.

It took him a minute to remember he was waiting for a reply. He looked down at her, his brow furrowed.

"Alexx?" He gently nudged her. "What is going on?"

"Nothing." She shot him a weak smile. "Why ask?"

His eyes narrowed. "Hm."

"Don't hm me." She elbowed him. "I'm just…absent minded lately."

"Because of me, right?" He joked, opening her notebook and flipping through the pages.

"Of course." She chuckled. "And of your drawing skills."

He rolled his eyes. "You're getting better at this."

"Thank you." Her gaze was still locked on the sky.

"Are you planning to draw it?" Matt asked. "The sky?"

"No." She shook her head. "It wouldn't look good in black and white."

"Then use colors. I'm sure Roger can get you some."

She looked at him, her eyebrows up. "You don't just switch from drawing to painting. It's two completely different techniques."

"Well, you can always give painting a shot. You know. Widen your horizons."

She threw her head back and rolled her eyes. "I can't believe I'm hearing this from you."

"What? I'm widening my horizons."

"Especially with clothes."

It took him a second to get what she meant. He looked down at her, smiling teasingly.

"Don't act like you don't like strips on me."

"I do, definitely." She laughed. "That's not the point."

"And I am widening my horizons. I'm sitting here on the sun with you. I hate sun. Isn't that, you know, horizon widening?"

"This is hardly sun."

Matt rolled his eyes and turned another page of her notebook. Familiar face looked back at him. "Is that Mello?"

"Oh, yeah." She looked embarrassed. "I drew him the other day."

"The one you threatened him into apologizing?"

Her eyes widened. "I did not do such a thing! I just…"

"I know, he told me." Matt laughed. "Some would guess that after all this time with me, you'd know when I'm not joking."

"Well, you can never be sure with Mello." She shrugged. "Oh, oh, it reminds me, I talked with Roger, and we made a _great _deal."

"You did?" Matt shifted to a more comfortable position.

"I'm going to lead a normal life. Once I'm eighteen, you know." Her eyes shined with excitement. "I'll also have a top secret private detective job. I'll be like batman or something."

He had to laugh at her comparison. "So, you'll go by your real name?"

She stopped- thought obviously never occurred to her. "Uh, I guess."

"You should probably keep it a secret, you know, until you leave the Wammy's." He said, flipping another page of her notebook. It showed a drawing of a young girl, about two, sleeping. Something about it made him feel as if he wasn't supposed to see it, and he quickly flipped another page.

"Yeah, I guess." She pulled her feet up and placed her chin on her knees.

"Mhm." He nodded. "I know. I'm so smart."

"I'm Charlie."

He looked up, surprised. "Huh?"

"My name. It's Charlie. Donell." She gave him a weak smile. "Nice to meet you."

He gawked at her for a moment, taken aback.

"I just wanted to let you know." She shrugged. "You don't need to tell me yours. I am going to use mine in the future. It's no use in keeping it a secret- not from you, at least-"

"I'm Mail." He interrupted. "It's written like e-mail. Jeevas."

She stared at him in surprise- good surprise.

"Well, nice meeting you, Mail." She smiled. "Am I pronouncing it right?"

"Well…" He shifted on the bench so he could face her. "It's more like Mile."

"Oh." She nodded, and then she looked away, chuckling.

"What is so funny?" Matt asked, narrowing his head.

"Your name." She said, gawking at him. "You're probably the only person in whole Wammy's who's alias is more normal than their actual name."

"How do you know that?" He asked, although he knew she was right.

"Oh, seriously. Like you can top Mello or Near."

"Or Theta."

"Or Roger."

"Or L."

She bit her lip, her shoulders shaking in laughter.

"I'm killing you, am I not?" He laughed, throwing his arm around her shoulders. She smiled, pulling closer.

"So, now we're sharing identities and stuff…" He said, taking in the smell of her hair. There was a faint trace of smoke in it- his work. "Where are you from?"

"I was born in America, but we moved to London few months ago." She said. "You?"

"Ireland."

"Really?" She looked up at him, her eyes shining. "Can you, like, talk in an accent?"

He rolled his eyes before switching to his most cliché-ish voice. "Aye, madam. A lovely day, isn't it?"

She laughed, burying her head in his shoulder. "You're fun."

"I know."

"So am I?"

"Eh, I guess."

***author's note* Tatataaam- and this is the lamest way to end a chapter. But I don't even care, 'cause I'm finally publishing something! I hope you like it, it's all so happy and cute and all, I promise you it won't stay this way for long ;)**

**I want to thank you all for your epic reviews, they make my day, really. You made me very motivated to keep on with this story, thank you all! **

**Also, one person asked will I stick to the original storyline: yes, I will. I hope you still want to read this now you know that. **

**I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE EPIC. 'Till the next chapter **


	17. Chapter 17

"You scored number one again." Ali informed me as I slid my tray next to hers.

"No shit." I murmured, shoving a piece of bread in my mouth. "It's not like every person in the hallway told me that."

"Aw. They're all rooting for you." Charlie smirked. "If you don't become the next L, we'll all make a protest or something."

_Oh, well…. _"Sweet."

"But seriously, how do you do that?" Ali asked, aimlessly rummaging through her lunch. "You're giving me inferiority complex."

"She's giving it to all of us." Charlie grinned. "But don't worry, she's not human."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not human?"

"You're not."

"Good to know."

"Well, hello, number one." Familiar voice whispered to my ear. I spun around to face him, grinning widely.

"Hello, number thre- four."

Matt grinned back. "Are you taunting me?"

"Possibly."

It took me a moment to realize people behind me might be pretty confused.

"Oh, guys, this is- well, you know who he is. Matt, these are Ali and Charlie."

"Hey." Matt waved at them. They followed his gesture, mouth agape.

"I have to go and join mister two-three-never-one before he gets another envy attack." Matt grinned, leaning in to kiss me. "Later."

"Later." I smiled, watching him walk away.

_He has a pretty cute ass. _

"Alexx." Ali's voice tore me from my thoughts. "What. Just. Happened?"

"I think it's pretty obvious." Charlie said. "She made out with Matt. Did you just make out with Matt?"

"Um, no." I looked down at my tray. "It was just a quick kiss. Peck. Hardly a lip contact."

"Omigosh. You've kissed Matt." Ali was now gazing at me, her eyes wide with excitement. "How-what- oh fuck, what is going on with you two?"

"Um, well." I cleared my throat, blushing. "We're…kinda…together? I'm not sure."

There was a grave silence for a couple of seconds.

"You bitch." Ali finally spit out. "When did you plan on telling us?"

"Um, soon?" I looked up, smiling apologetically. "I'm sorry, guys. I really…it's complicated."

"Details." Ali slid forward on the bench, narrowing my personal space. "Spit out the details."

I looked up to Charlie, seeking for help.

"Tell her the details." Charlie shrugged, chewing. "You got yourself into this."

"Are you trying to get me killed?" Pair of hands wrapped around him, smell of her shampoo giving him the usual odd feeling. She placed her chin on his shoulder and took a glance at the screen in his hands.

"No. Why would you think that?" He asked, focused on the race happening in his game.

"Ah, forget it. You're the red car, right?"

"Yeah."

She chuckled. "You're third."

He rolled his eyes, pausing the game.

"Am I distracting you?"

"Pretty much." He turned around to face her. "How exactly am I trying to kill you?"

"You walked to my table, dropped the bomb, and just walked away." She slid on the bench next to him. "Not cool. I could've gotten killed."

"You survived Mello. I doubt anything could kill you now."

She bit her lip, taking in the though. "Huh. Guess you're right."

Her notebook was resting on her lap, and he picked it up, opening it at random. The drawing showed the girl he met today- Ali- and whateverhisnamewasagain guy, having some sort of food fight.

"Nice." He noted. "Very…alive. I don't know."

"Thank you." She leaned against him, her head resting on his shoulder. "It's chilly. I'll have to get a coat or something."

Without a moment hesitation, he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer. "Better?"

"A bit." She murmured, looking up at him. "Aren't you cold?"

"A bit." He chuckled.

"Will you finish the game? I like watching you play."

"Oh?" He looked down at her, amused. "That's kind of creepy."

"Shut up and take the game out." She elbowed him, laughing. "Please?"

Faking a sigh, he pulled out his game console and continued playing.

We remained quiet for a while, he completely lost in his game, me completely lost in the fact this was a second day he hadn't smoked. Was he trying to quit or something? I considered asking him, but then I figured he might be unaware of that and it might be better not to enlighten him.

Or maybe he was just smoking alone.

That made much more sense.

"Once I get out of here, I'll get a car like this." He noted, pressing buttons almost automatically.

I glanced at the tiny red vehicle. "Well, fits you hair."

He chuckled. "I might give you a ride, if you'll be nice."

I warily eyed the way the car made the sharp turn, almost slamming against the stone wall. "Yeah, I think I'll pass."  
>He rolled his eyes, grinning as he finished the game. "Well, thank you for the unconditional trust."<p>

"Oh, I trust you."

"But not my driving abilities."

"That's what you said."

Still chuckling, he put the game away. I half expected him to pull out a cigarette, but he didn't.

I had to ask.

"Have you quit smoking?"

He looked at me, a bit surprised. Biting his lip, he stared of to the distance. "Hm. No. I don't know. I haven't had a cig in a while, though. But I didn't plan on quitting."

"So, it just happened?" I asked, rising an eyebrow. "You just got off the cigs? Without even being aware?"

"It's only been two days. Calm down."

"But still-"

"Psh."

"Don't psh me."

He looked at me, immensely amused.

"No, really. What is going on?" I insisted.

"Fuck, you're stubborn."

"Shut up and answer me."

"It'll be kind of tough to do both at-"

"Matt!" I laughed, elbowing him again.

"You'll leave me a bruise."

"It's okay. It'll man you up."

He laughed, rolling his eyes.

"Okay. What's the deal with the cigs?"

"I just…don't feel the urge any more." He shrugged. "I don't know how to explain it."

"Well, whatever it is, it's nice you're quitting." I smiled, snuggling closer to him.

"Who said anything about quitting- OW." I elbowed him again. "No, seriously, stop. This must be some sort of abuse."

"Oh shut up, it's not like I've bruised your rib or anything."

"Not yet."

I laughed again, closing my eyes and inhaling his scent, now smoke free.

It was nice. It was really nice.

I should've known something bad was about to happen.

***author's note* Yaay, a new chapter! I just want to thank you all for your great reviews and subs and everything, you're keeping me motivated to write this, I love you with all my heart I'm also sorry for not updating more regularly, but I have school and stuff. I'll do my best to update as soon as possible! Please review! Love, BBT**


	18. Chapter 18

It's been more than a week since Roger and I made the agreement, and the date of sending the scores to L was nearer with every second. The whole Wammy's was brooding with excitement, unable to wait for the moment I officially become the number one. _Do you think Mello would hit a girl? –Yeah, he totally will._

Well, at least that was not going to happen. What was going to happen is my name not being anywhere on the list. Roger had already called Watari who had explained my situation to L. But nobody bothered to explain the situation to the rest of the Wammy's, and, since list was going to be hung in less that a week, it was on me to do so.

But explaining you don't want to be L to a whole house of L fanatics wasn't really something I could do without some badass mental bracing.

"I heard you're dying in a week." Matt joined me on our way to the science class.

"Samara much?" I elbowed him, chuckling.

"Who is Samara?"

"She's- okay, seriously?" I met his utterly confused gaze. "Just go watch The Ring. You know. Once you're out in the real world."

"Okay." His brow furrowed. "Back to the point. You still haven't told anyone?"

"I've told you. And Mello knows." I shrugged. "Near too, probably. I swear, that kid knows everything."

"Not as much as you."

I laughed. "True."

We walked into the classroom, and he gave me a quick kiss before trailing off to Mello, who's been doing his best to ignore us. I rolled my eyes and took my seat, pulling out my notebook. I've had this idea in my head for a while- my first colored picture in years- and I wanted the sketch to be perfect.

I continued working on my drawing for the entire class, looking up every once in a while, just to get an idea of what is going on. Mello walked over to my table as soon as teacher allowed us to go.

"You're even more annoying than Near." He noted, as I quickly shut the notebook. "He looks like he _might _be paying attention. You are completely in your own world. How did you manage to get first two spots is beyond my comprehension."

"Well, what can I say?" I smirked up at him. "That's why you're the number three."

It's amazing how fast people can change expressions. One second, Mello looked like an ordinary, maybe a bit pale, but who am I to say, fourteen year old metrosexual, and next thing you know, there's a killer look in his eyes, and his fist is clenched, and he looks like he's going to completely ignore the unwritten 'no-hitting-girls' rule and beat the crap out of you.

"She's joking." Matt grabbed his shoulder, pulling him back. "She made a fucking joke. Calm down."

"Let me-"

"I'm not letting you go before you relax your fist."

With a sigh, Mello obeyed him, shaking his hand off the moment it was possible.

"I'm sorry." I murmured. "I didn't mean-"

"I know." Mello uttered, walking out of classroom without a second glance. Matt and I stared after him for a moment, pretty much confused.

"What the fuck was that?" Matt murmured, glancing at me.

"You sure say 'fuck' a lot."

"I've just stopped the cigs. Give me the break."

"Fine." I rolled my eyes. "The fuck was that?"

"No idea."

"Well, go catch him and find out!"

"As you wish." Matt chuckled, ruffling my hair. "See you later."

"Am I suffering withdrawal symptoms or did you actually back off today?" Matt asked, walking into his room. Mello was, luckily, inside- he guessed his best friend will be here, and it would be pretty awkward if he had just talked to an empty room.

Mello took a bite of his chocolate, ignoring him completely.

"Oh, come on, Mels." If everything fails, revert to the annoying nicknames. "Did the girl get you upset?"

No reply. With a sigh, Matt slammed his body on Mello's bed, elbowing him. "Mels. Mels. Mellow. Mell. Marshmello. Mihael. Mellou." He spoke the last word in his best imitation of Near's voice. "M-"

"Oh shut up." Mello sighed, pushing him off the bed. "You can be so annoying when you want to."

"I know." Matt smirked, standing up. "So, could you explain me what kind of black magic took effect today?"

Mello shook his head, making a laugh-like noise. "Black magic? Really?"

"Mels…"  
>"Say it once more and your girlfriend will scrap your brains off the wall."<p>

Matt rolled his eyes. Daily death threats were just one of many perks of being Mello's roommate. "Just answer the fucking question."

Mello rose an eyebrow at him before taking in a deep breath. "Well. Fuck. I don't know. I just got really pissed, and I just, I don't know, reacted, just like I always do, and then you spoke to me, and I realized I was about to hit a _girl_-"

"Now, that's really sexist."

Mello ignored his little remark. "-and she really did nothing, just made a freaking joke."

"Um, no offence, Mello." Matt kneeled down so he could make eye contact. "But you do that all the time."

Mello met his gaze and smirked. "You're really asking for it, aren't you?"

"Mello…"

"I'm just…" Mello sighed and threw his head back, slamming his body against the wall. It must've hurt like hell, but he didn't show no sign of pain. Physical, at least. "I have so little control over myself. What if Near was right? What if I'll always be number two because I can't stay, well, mellow?"

"Wha-" Matt blinked, utterly confused. He wasn't sure what shocked him more- the fact Mello admitted he was wrong, or he was willing to consider Near being right. "Where did you get that from?"

"Don't play stupid. You know it's true." His eyes stared off to ceiling, as if he could see through it. Maybe he could. Maybe he saw God. Matt never fully understood his relationship with religion. "I never think before acting. It's a real wonder I haven't killed half of the Wammy's by now."

"Cut the crap, Mells." Mello's mouth opened at the sound of his nickname, but Matt hushed him. "It's no wonder. It's me. You know that. Near owes me some serious shit. I've saved his life only about million times."

Mello chuckled, rolling his eyes. "Eh, true. Thanks for that."  
>"And if you're not planning to completely ignore me the rest of your life, I'll be there to save all the Nears of the future."<p>

"Oh God. I hope there'll be no more of them. If there are, someone should arrange a mass genocide or something." Mello chuckled, and then his expression grew serious again. "But will you?"

"Will I what?"

"Be there?" The whole situation momentarily grew awkward. "God, this went out gay. Um, what I mean is, you'll stick with me?"

"Well, yeah." Matt furrowed his brow. "I thought that was the agreement. Me, the hacker, you, the next L. Save the world and shit."

"But…" Mello murmured. "That was before."

"Before what?"  
>Mello avoided his gaze. "Before <em>who<em>."

"What-" Matt started, but then it hit him. "Ooh."

"Yeah."

"You think I'd-"

"Well-"

"Just cause-" Matt shook his head. "Mihael Keehl, you are an idiot."  
>"Thank you."<p>

"No problem."

There was a moment of silence.

"But she means a lot to you." Mello pointed out. "You'll be happy with her."

"You are my best friend. You've been my best friend for most of my life. I've only known her for a while."

"But she makes you happy." Mello murmured. Matt has never seen him this open. "She got you to stop smoking. You smile all the time. And you're always so grim around me."

"Mello." Matt shook his head, laughing. "I know I've been acting different lately. But…endorphins."

"Endorphins?" Mello rose an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Well, yeah." Matt shrugged. "You know. Girls can do that. You can't. Please don't try."

Mello laughed, openly disgusted. "Yeah, that's not happening."

"But…you know. Bros over hoes and stuff." Matt smirked. "I know it's not much, but hey, at least you're my number one."

"Now you're being gay."

"Oh fuck. Sorry."

Mello laughed, getting up and pushing him out of balance. "So, we're skipping history today?"

Matt got back on his feet, shaking the dust of his knees. _Someone should seriously clean this place. _"Seems like it."

"Got any new games?" Mello headed over to Matt's computer. "Fuck that, I know you do. Anything good?"

"Of course." Matt grinned, pulling second chair to his desk. "Hope your ready for some serious ass whooping."


	19. Chapter 19

Life's not a bitch. If anything, it has a sadistic personality disorder. It makes you miserable and never takes any blame. And you can't really blame it, after all. It can't help itself. It's the disorder.

I've always tried to focus on the good things in life, knowing how fragile everything is. Look in the future and everything. Let the past be the past. There's always something good you can hold on to.

It was the eighteenth of November, the result day just a few days away, and also, the monthversary of the Fire.

I've been absent-minded the entire day- my brain went into the overdrive, disabling me from focusing on anything else. I couldn't even draw- I had only one picture in my head, and it wasn't pretty.

Of course Matt noticed.

"Alexx." He murmured, placing his hand on my shoulder and gently pulling me back. We just had history together, and were heading for the lunch, so using 'we'll be late' as excuse wasn't a possibility. Instead, I pulled on my best fake smile and turned to face him.

"Yeah?" I asked, hoping the happiness in my voice sounded earnest.

"Are you okay?" He was worried- it was written in his eyes, clearly visible even through his goggles.

"Yeah, I am." I smiled. "Should I not be?"

"Cut the crap, X." Matt murmured. "I know you too well."

"I don't know-"

"Get that smile off your face. It's seriously creepy."

I obeyed him. "Well thank you. That's really what every girl wants to hear."

He eyed me warily, paying extra attention to my eyes. "You- have you been crying?"

My hand rushed up to my eyes. _Fuck. _"No-"

He leaned in to take a better look of my face. "Yes, you did."

_Fuck fuck fuck. _I have cried, for the most of the night, but I still felt my eyes looked normal enough for no one to notice. It's pretty ironical that, from all the people I've talked today, the one to notice my reddish eyes was the guy with awful vision. "No, my eyes are just a bit irritated. I think I had a lash in them this morning."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"And to think you are the number one of the Wammy's." Matt rolled his eyes. "What happened?"

"Nothing-"

"Alexx." He cupped my face and pulled it up. "You know you can tell me."

I sighed, leaning in closer to him, burying my face in his neck, his scent immensely comforting. "My family died exactly a month ago."

"Oh." Matt's fingers stroked my hair, and somehow, I managed not to cry. "I understand."

"It's horrible. I keep checking the time to see how much more it is before it is _exactly_ a month-" I pouted into his shirt. "-and they died in the middle of the night, so I won't be able to stop the entire day."

"It's okay." Matt murmured. "Wanna skip the rest of the day? Watari will understand. He always lets the kids off the hook for the big days, especially if so little time has passed."

_Yes. Please. _"N-no. I have to stay."

"You don't."

"Yes, I do."

"Why?"

"Because…" I took a deep breath, knowing how irrational I'll sound. "Dad wouldn't want me to ditch."

"Oh." Matt hugged me tighter, whispering into my hair. "I get it. Want to get away for the lunch break, then?"

"Y-yeah." I pulled my face up. "Thank you."

"No problem." He smiled at me. "Let's go."

I expected us to go to our usual place, but instead, Matt led me up the set of stairs.

"Where are we going?" I asked, still holding his hand.

"You'll see." He chuckled, pulling me closer. "Close your eyes."

"Matt…"

"Do it!"

I obeyed him, letting out a little laugh. "Are you afraid I'll tell everyone how to get to your secret smoking place?"

"No." He laughed. "But you can never be too safe."

I allowed Matt to lead me higher and higher, until we finally stopped. His grip on my hand loosened and I heard the doors creek.

"Step in." He said, nudging me lightly.

"You know, this is how all the horror movies start." I murmured, following his instruction. The air in the room I've walked in was heavy, smelling like moist and smoke.

"So we are at your secret smoking place." I shook my head. "Knew it."

Matt ignored my remark. "You can open your eyes now."

"Oh, right." I popped my eyes open, faced with complete darkness. "We're on the attic?"

"Yeah."  
>"How do you see in here?" I started getting used to the darkness, and now I could gauge the objects in the back. "It's pitch dark."<p>

"Like this." Matt took my hand again, leading me deeper into the darkness. There was an board lying on the floor, and I almost tripped over it.

"I'll fall!" I squealed, shocked to see I was capable of making such a sound.

"You won't." Matt pulled me closer. "Just follow my lead."

"'Kay." I nodded, taking a firm grip of his hand. I could hardly see his face, and I was just a few inches away. "How do you see? Do you have night vision in those goggles?"

"Oh yeah." Matt chuckled. "Night vision, x-ray, everything."

He led me to the corner of the room, and then stood up on his toes, letting my hand go.

"What are you doing?" I asked, squinting at him.

"Opening the window." I heard the loud creek, and within a second, light burst in the attic. I had to look down, momentarily blinded. "Obviously."

"Oh." I squinted up at him, waiting for my vision to get used to the brightness. "Nice."

We came back in time for chemistry, full of dust and cobwebs, but in time. Matt managed to keep my mind off the thingwewon'tmention for the rest of the class, grinning at me the entire time- we both looked pretty funny, unable to get rid of all the dust clinging on to our clothes. He remained close to me for the entire day, introducing me to all of his smoking places (and trust me, he had a lot of them) and even asking me for homework help (we actually got something done). But once the dinner was over, and we had to get back to our rooms, my mind instantly went back to the overdrive.

So, after a long shower and some studying on my own, I changed to my pajamas and crawled into the bed.

And cried.

I remained there, baffling in my pillow, until midnight, when I heard the faint knock on the doors.

_Fuck. _I probably woke Ali or someone up. Pushing my face deeper into the pillow, I remained silent, waiting for the person to go away.

"Cut the crap." Familiar voice hissed. "I know you're awake. Now let me in before we both get detention."

_Matt? _I jumped out of my bed, opening the doors within a second. "What are you doing?"

"Sh." He murmured, stepping in my room, closing the doors behind. "I came to check on you. You said your parents died in the middle of the night, and since you don't have a roommate, I thought you could use some company."

"I have other friends, you know?" I put a hand on my hip. "What if Ali was here?"

"The Ali you haven't told your parents died today? Very likely." Matt smirked. "You okay?"

"Yeah." I said, still keeping my tough face on.

"Alexx." Matt smiled. "You can act as strong as you want, but if you have tear stained face, it won't really work."

"Shit." I murmured, wiping my face off with the sleeve of my shirt. "Fine, I'm not okay."  
>"Want me to stay?"<p>

"Like I could get you to leave." I murmured, wrapping my arms around him. "Are you here because my parents died, or are you trying to get lucky?"

"No hidden motives. I swear."

We crawled into my bed, and I buried my face into his chest, inhaling his Mattish smell. He kept stroking my hair long after I was asleep.

Mello gazed through the window, watching the wind carry the final leaf of the old oak tree away. It was depressing, actually, seeing all the naked branches, knowing they'll stay this way until the spring. Autumn was always his least favorite season- but it had to happen in order for winter, his favorite season, to come. He'd spend most of the days outside, and since Near rarely ever left the game room, he'd hardly see his face.

It was nice.

"So, Roger, what did you want to tell us?" Mello asked, looking back at the old man behind the desk. Near was sitting (guess he was just too good to stand) on the floor next to him, doing his jigsaw puzzle for the millionth time.

"Near. Mello." Roger addressed each of them personally, and Mello flinched at the fact he addressed Near first. He knew Roger wasn't trying to taunt him, but it still stung. "I'm afraid…"

He looked up, and the pain in his eyes took Mello aback.

"L is dead."

***author's note* Happy early Valentines to all of my lovely readers/reviewers! Hope you all have a lovely time (I'll study physics, don't know 'bout you), please review this, loveyouloveyouloveyou, -BBT**


	20. Chapter 20

_D-dead? Bu-but how?_

Light flooded in through the curtains, making Matt's eyelids flutter in the void attempt of shielding his eyes to incoming brightness. He finally gave up, opening his eyes, trying to locate his goggles.

_That's why sleeping over is such a pain. Especially if you're half blind._

He tried to roll over, but another body blocked his path. With a smile, he dropped his head back to the pillow, wrapping his arms around Alexx.

_The reason why sleeping over is worth the pain._

Her back were turned to the window, so she had no problem with the rising sun. Leaning in, he took a better look at her face: pale skin, reddish circles around her closed eyes, carefree smile on her face, surrounded by her fair hair shining in the sunlight. The sight was breathtaking.

_I'm so fucking lucky._

Closing his eyes, he pulled her closer, burying his face in the top of her head, inhaling the scent of her hair, blissfully falling back to sleep.

It'd be super romantic if I'd say I was woken up by the sound of birds singing, or sun rising, or whatever. But it'd be a lie. I was woken up by the lack of oxygen.

My eyes fluttered open, and I smiled, realizing I am completely tangled up in Matt. Pushing my head up, I filled my lungs with fresh air, gently nudging the sleeping redhead.

"Matt." I whimpered. "Move, you- you-" It's really difficult to think of a good insult when your brain is still asleep. "You're choking me. Move!"

"Mph?" He murmured, rolling over to his half of the bed. "Here."

"Thank you." I snuggled over to him, looking up at his face. His hair was even messier than usual, falling into his eyes-

_This is the first time I got a good look on him without goggles in the daylight. _

Surprised with the sudden realization, I tilted my head, snuggling even closer. His skin was almost paler than mine, and now that there were no goggles covering half of his face, I could see the contrast his bright hair made.

_His eyes. _I've never seen his eyes without the goggles. What color were they, anyways?

"I'm the worst girlfriend ever." I murmured, nudging him lightly.

"Yeah?" He turned his head to face me, still half asleep.

"Open your eyes." I ordered, smiling.

"Why?"

"Just…do it."

His eyes fluttered open as he squinted at me, utterly confused. "Just to let you know, I can't see much."

"Can you see me?"

"Yeah. But you're kind of blurry."  
>I chuckled, pushing his hair out of his face. "Your eyes are gorgeous."<p>

"Um, okay?" Matt blinked. "Thank you?"

"No, really." I smiled. His eyes were dark blue, lightening towards the middle. It was hypnotic.

"Stop staring at me. It's creepy."

"Sorry." I chuckled again, closing my eyes and pulling him closer. "I love you."

Okay, I don't know what had happened at that moment. I guess I was still half asleep, and my mind wasn't working properly, or I got spontaneously high or something, but yeah, I blurted it out.

I mean, it wasn't that bad, since he already had spent two nights in my bed doing nothing more than comforting me, but still…

What is wrong with me?

We both froze, me in terror, and Matt in I don't know what since I couldn't force myself to open my eyes. We stayed that way for a second, before Matt placed a kiss on my forehead.

"I love you too."

Slowly, I looked up, my cheeks burning. The weird feeling came over me, and I quickly looked back down.

Non of us spoke for a while, completely dazzled by what had just happened. I was just about to speak up and make a joke about how awkward we are, when Matt pulled my head up and kissed me, passionately, until I had to pull away for air.

"Matt…" I gasped, suffering an utter endorphin rush.

"I love you." He chuckled. "It feels good saying it."

"Yeah." I agreed, looking up at him. "It does."  
>I kissed him again, tangling my fingers in his hair. His arm slipped under the covers, pulling me closer (I was surprised it was even possible, since we were already glued to each other). His lips moved lower, tracing the lines of my neck-<p>

"What the hell?"

We both pulled away immediately, our lips burning. I was too ashamed to look behind, but I still had a pretty good idea on who was on the doors.

"Mello." Matt uttered, obviously caught of guard.

"I see you two are busy _not doing it_-" Matt rolled his eyes, but Mello ignored him. "I thought you'd be here. Just came to let you know I'm leaving Wammy's."

"What?" Matt sat up, and I turned around to face the blonde. "What do you mean, you're _leaving?"_

"I'm out of here. Gone. Story over." Mello crossed his arms against his chest, clearly outraged. "If the deal is still on, you better get ready."

I glanced at Matt, who was now looking down, his eyes focused.

"The deal?" I whispered, handing him over his goggles. He pulled them on and smiled gratefully, his eyes still distant.

"The deal…" He took a deep breath. "It's on."

Mello nodded, taking a step out. "Meet you in two hours."

As soon as he closed the doors Matt turned to face me, his eyes so sad.

"Matt." I grabbed his hand. "You're…leaving?"

He nodded, avoiding my gaze. "I'm sorry. But-"

"He's your best friend." I smiled, my gaze suddenly muddled with tears. "He needs you. I understand that."  
>"Thank you." He cupped my face, wiping my tears off. "Please, don't cry."<p>

"I can't help myself." I uttered as the tear rolled down my face. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize about." He wrapped his arms around me, and I inhaled his scent, knowing this might as well be the last time I have the chance to do it. "I hate this. I hate having to leave you. But I must go."

"Will you ever come back?"

"To Wammy's? No." He pulled away, looking down at my face. "But you'll see me again. I promise."

"I'm holding on to this." I swallowed my tears. "I'm leaving Wammy's in four years. I'll find you then."

"I know you will." He smiled. "I'll write to you. You won't be able to write back, since we'll be moving a lot, though."

"It's okay." I pulled close to him again, wetting his shirt with my tears. "I love you. I am coming for you. That's all you need to know."

"I know." He patted my hair. "I know."

"I'll help you pack." I muttered.

"Okay."

"Mello has left already?"

"Yeah." Matt nodded, emptying his game-filled drawer into his backpack. "We'll meet up on the way."

"What happened?" I asked, neatly placing an extra pair of jeans and few shirts on top of his games. If I wasn't there, he'd leave with no clothes.

"Long story." Matt sighed.

"Be quick."

When we finally parted this morning, Matt left to ask Mello for details, while I sat in my bed, staring aimlessly through the window.

"L is dead."

My eyes went wide in shock. "No fucking way."

"Kira killed him." Matt nodded.

"Kira… as the guy who kills criminals?" I sat down on the edge of his bed.

"Yeah." Matt closed his backpack and sat next to me. "L was to bring him to justice. It seems something went wrong."

"So…Mello is the new L?"

"No." Matt sighed. "L hadn't made the final choice. Roger suggested Near and Mello working together-"

"Oh." I bit my lip. I see how that went wrong.

"And it seems like Near agreed, but Mello couldn't, so he allowed Near to take the title."

"…and now you two are going to try to catch him on your own." I gasped, spinning around to face him. "You can't do that! You'll both get yourself killed-"

"Alexx!" Matt grabbed my hand. "We're not doing it on our own. We're not stupid. Mello has a plan."

"Very comforting."

"Alexx." He whispered. "I promise you I won't do anything stupid. I'll try to keep us both alive. And once it's over, I'll find you."

"You better." I uttered. "You better live, okay?"

"This is not the last time you see my face." Matt smiled, wiping away the tears I was completely unaware of. "You'll see me again."

"I will." I nodded.

"I love you."

"Love you too."

He leaned in, gently pressing his lips against mine, his fingers in my hair. It lasted for a few wonderful moments, and then he pulled away, stood up, and smiled down at me.

"I'll miss you so fucking much." He smiled, caressing my cheek.

_Don't go. _I grabbed his hand, taking in a deep breath. "Say hi to Mello. And take care of yourself."

"I will."

I stood up, wrapping my arms around him one last time.

"Goodbye, Mail Jeevas."

"Goodbye, Alexx Charlie Donnel."

And with one last kiss, he left.

I wanted to follow him out, but I knew I wouldn't be able to let him go. So I just stood there, glued to the window, staring after him for as long as I could.

I remained in his room the entire day, staring through the window.

Matt was gone.


	21. Chapter 21

_Dear X,_

_I miss you so fucking much. I don't think there was a day that went without me thinking about you. _

_Life here is rather dull at the moment.. We're kinda short on leads, so were just scooping around hoping to find something. Mello's annoyed as fuck, but at least there is no danger of us getting killed. Thought you might be happy to hear that._

_I miss you. Even Mello notices, and it annoys him even more. He's always on the edge, since there is a good chance of Near winning this crazy competition thing between two of them. There is nothing I want to do more than fly back to England and find you, but Mello needs me, now more than ever. Pressure's getting to him, really bad. You know what he's like._

_The thought of you is keeping me sane- and since I'm the one keeping him sane, you're kind of keeping us both sane. Give yourself some credit for that._

_How's life going? You still the number one? Probably are. How are Ali and the rest of the table bunch? Say hi to them. I'm glad you have someone to talk to, now you can't talk to me.  
>Back to the point. It's your sweet sixteen in a week. Happy birthday, Alexx. Hope you enjoy it.<em>

_Forever,_

_Matt_

_Dear X, _

_Time is supposed to heal everything, right? Then why am I still missing you so bad? You are my open wound, Alexx. And I'm glad. I don't want to ever get over you. _

_Kira investigation is going really well. Mello climbed really high in power ranks, and now there is nothing stopping him from beating Near. Except Near, of course. But that will always be the case._

_Happy seventeenth birthday. I love you. I miss your drawing. I miss your hair. I miss your panic attacks. _

_Forever,_

_Matt_

_Alexx,_

_I know you're turning eighteen in a month. That's why I have some important things to talk to you about (if you can call this a conversation)._

_You must not try to find us. We're tangled up in Kira investigation, and I don't want you to get caught in it too. Once it's over, I'll find you. I promise. It's crucial you listen to me this time. I know you don't want to, but please, do it. For me. If Kira gets his hands on you, I won't be able to think rationally. And then shit will happen._

_I love you, Alexx. Stay strong._

_Forever, Matt_

"Bastard." I uttered, staring at my computer screen. "Fucking bastard."

Over the past four years, I've received over million e-mails from the hidden address (hacking his way to me was only safe way for Matt to send me a message). They were always signed with 'Forever', same things repeated over and over again. He'd never let any information about Kira investigation slip away, knowing I'd be on it in no time. So instead, he stuck with assuring me they are both alive and well, and telling me how much he missed me.

"I miss you too." I whispered to a screen, as if Matt was able to hear me. "But you're a fucking idiot."

_You must not try to find us. _Seriously? After almost four years of waiting by the computer screen, he decides to tell me I'll have to wait some more?

"I hate you so much." I shook my head. "Almost as much as I love you."

With a sigh, I shut my computer down, running fingers through my hair, now once again reaching half of my back.

"Alexx!" Ali knocked on my door. "Roger needs to speak to you."

"Um, okay!" I fled up from my chair, slipping on my shoes and hurrying out. It was late April, and it was getting warmer every day.

"Do you know what he needs me for?" I asked Ali as we headed for his office.

"No." Ali smiled, stopping at the beginning of the stairs. "I'm off to lunch. Join us later?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "See you."

She trailed off in a different direction, and I took a deep breath before heading for the Roger's office. We'd all expected him to leave with Near, but he said that he'll let him _take care of some things _before joining him. So, he was still here, taking care of all of us.

I was the official number one of the Wammy's, although I begged Roger to take me of the list on the daily bases.

"There is a kid in here who could experience the joy of being in top three!" I'd whimper. "Just get me of the damn list!"

Roger would usually just tell me to watch my language and send me off to my room.  
>I've barely knocked on the doors when Roger's voice told me to come in. I obeyed him, smiling at the old man as I took my seat.<p>

"Alexx." He cleared his throat. "You'll soon be eighteen."

"Yes." I nodded.

"You know what that means."

"Yes." I nodded again. "I have to leave."

"Yes, that's what it was supposed to mean." Roger agreed. "But, I thought that, if you'd be interested in starting your official work a bit earlier…"

My eyes widened. "You mean, I can start…now?"

"Not now." Roger smiled. "In five days, yes. I've already done all the talking, and I've got you permission from all the countries to operate as you wish. You'd be able to live where you want, work on what you want, as long as you work regularly. Are you up for it?"

"Yes!" I smiled, feeling excitement take over. I haven't been outside Wammy's in _years_- idea of being free once again couldn't be any more appealing.

"Alright, Alexx." Roger smiled. "When do you want to start?"

"How about tomorrow?"

_Two years later_

The phone rang, jerking me from my sleep. My eyes still shut, I blindly reached for the phone, knocking my alarm clock off in the process.

"Yeah?" I answered, voice sleepy.

"Alexx? Don't tell me you're still asleep." The voice of my agent, Jill Perks, blabbered into my ear. Don't get me wrong, I love her with all my heart, but her perky and enthusiastic voice really isn't something you'd like to hear at early morning.

"Well, not any more, obviously." I murmured. "What do you want?"

"You!" She laughed. "It's almost ten. You have the exhibition today, and we need to make sure the workers got everything right. We, as in both of us."

"Oh." I sat up, yawning. "Alright, give me a half an hour. I'll meet you at the museum."

"You better!" Jill chuckled. "Bye!"

"Yeah, right." I shut the phone, throwing it at the pillow next to mine. _Fuck, I'm tired._

Forcing myself out of the bed, I staggered to the shower, letting the water do the trick. I had almost no sleep, working on the case for the entire night. It was some sort of serial newborn kidnapping, and I had a pretty good idea who was behind it.

So, you might wonder, why am I going to the museum instead of working on catching a baby kidnapper? The answer is, appearance keeping. I need world to believe I am Alexandra Wammy, a painter also going by the name Alexx, who is having her second exhibition today and is immensely exited.

Nothing to do with X, anonymous detective following L's footsteps.

In two years I've spent out in the real world, Chicago, I've managed to form quite a good life- X got a rather good reputation, and name Alexx was getting more and more famous. I had to give up my real identity, since everyone believed Charlie Donnel was long dead and buried. Still, I didn't care. I was free to walk around, to show my face, and even though it wasn't real, I still had a name- something rest of the Wammy's house wrote off at the start.

I was happy.

If only I could find Matt.

Yes, despite his pleads, I was doing my best to find him. Nothing that'd get either of us in trouble, but still, I was making an effort. He had contacted me for a couple of times via email, and there was also some fan mail arriving to Jill, signed by the Stripes, claiming he likes my portraits and thinks I'm hot.

So, yeah, things were going well for me.

I stepped out of the shower, blow drying my hair and applying some make up (bags under my eyes were horrible. Almost as my sleeping schedule). Then I slipped into jeans and black shirt, heading for the museum.

I wasn't enough of a big shot to have my pictures hung in some badass museum, but sweet little museum thingy I've got the deal with was pretty neat too. Jill was waiting for me outside, her dark skin shining in the sunlight, long black hair pulled up in a neat bun. She smiled when she saw me, handing me a cup of coffee to go.

"You're late." She noted, leading me inside. "Alright, here we are."

I took a sip of my coffee, ignoring her statement. "It's nice."

The room the exhibition was to be held in was quite big, with giant windows everywhere, my pictures hung everywhere. Someone made effort to sort it in a particularly cool way- all the drawings were black and white, except for the enormous framed painting hanging of the wall opposite to the doors. It was the first thing to catch your eye when you walk in. It was amazing.

The painting was emotional, at least for me- it was the picture of my house burning, colored with yellow and red at the top, dark colors reigning the bottom. It was good, let me tell you. It was _epic. _

"Oh, Jill, thank you." I smiled. "It's so beautiful. I love it."

"No problem, sweetie." Jill placed a hand on my shoulder. "You deserve it."

The evening came in the blink of an eye- Jill dragged me to some sort of spa (bonding time) where we both got our nails and make up done, and then this very nice lady did my hair, making it silky and straight, pulling it up with single silver pin. I barely had time to rush home and change before I had to go back to the exhibition.

Jill rented me a limo ("You're a star. You're taking the limo."), and I was really grateful for that, since my badass five inch heels were making it really hard to walk.

I've arrived to the exhibition five minutes late (it's considered classy), and was glad to see there was quite a few people there (over one hundred, Jill informed me).

It was all very formal and classy- champagne and everything- and I actually managed to relax, enjoying my five minutes of fame.

"Alexx?" Somewhere around ten o'clock, Jill tapped my shoulder. "There is this weird guy who claims to know you."

_Weird guy? _I immediately turned around. "Where?"

"At the entrance." Jill said. "Be careful!"

"Yeah, yeah." I said, rushing over to the direction she pointed me at. There were only three weird guys I knew, and even though the chances were slim, I still wanted to believe-

The sight of the man in the entrance made me stop in my tracks.

_He hadn't changed at all. _

Same scrawny built. Same messy hair. Goggles covering half of his face.

_I'll faint. _

"I told you, I-" Matt protested before spotting me. He immediately shut up.

"Miss." One of the suited guys at the entrance glanced at me. "This main claims to know you-"

"He does." I nodded, knot in my throat. "He knows me."

It was him. It really was him.

Matt smiled at me shyly, looking as good as ever.

"See, Alexx?" He whispered. "I told you it wasn't the last time you see me."

***author's note* I just gave myself chills. Probably because this romantic song started playing in the bacground just as I wrote the last line, so it was pretty epic, yeah. 'kay, guys, review! All the reviewers get a cookie! :D**


	22. Chapter 22

Matt wasn't sure what he was doing. Well, itt became kind of obvious when he made a turn to Chicago, but he kept telling himself he was not going to do anything.

Just…check on her. Make sure she's fine. Get back in the car. Do the task Mello trusted him with. Disappear.

But the moment he parked his car in front of the tiny art gallery, he knew he won't be able to walk away.  
>He had to talk to her.<p>

It was too long.

And on top of that, it could very well be his last chance to see her. In a week, they were heading for Japan…and he wasn't sure they'd live to come back.

And he had promised. He had promised she'll see his face again. If he was going to die, he was going to do it without breaking the promise.

He wanted to just walk in, but the guards at the door made the thing a bit difficult. He was actually very polite, asking them to call for the artist and all. Maybe they would've, if it wasn't for the goggles.

And the hair.

And…well, yeah, pretty much everything about him.

The whole thing started attracting too much attention, and he was just about to back off, when _she _appeared.

His brain literally paused. He almost forgot how to breathe. His jaw dropped, and he couldn't remember how to do anything about it.

She was...breath-taking. Magnificent. More. There was no adjective good enough to explain how beautiful she was- in his eyes, especially.

She had grown. A lot. The pale, scrawny girl he remembered was now replaced with five foot nine _woman_. Her hair was longer, shinier, caressing the pale skin of her back, clearly visible in the low cut black dress she was wearing. She had changed, yes. But still…her eyes. Those were the same eyes he looked at all those years ago. While driving, his mind bombed him with demotivating thoughts- _maybe she doesn't want to see you. Maybe she has someone else. Maybe she moved on- _but the look in her eyes made it shut up.

Those were the eyes of the girl that loved him.

"Miss, this man claims to know you." One of the guards spoke to her.

"He does." She uttered, not breaking the eye contact. "He knows me."

Her voice. How he had missed it.

He finally managed to get his brain back on.

"See, Alexx?" He smiled, his face burning. "Told you it wasn't the last time you see me."

And with that, without any warning, she took three giant steps and pushed him further down the street, to the shadows of small shortcut between two giant buildings.

"Hey-" He started to speak up, when her open palm collided with his face, leaving a stinging sensation over half of his cheek. Taken aback a bit, he stared at her, trying to get his mouth to utter something.

"That is for the whole 'do not look for me' thing." She murmured, her voice breaking.

"Oh." He nodded. "I'm-"

She cut him off again, this time in much more pleasant manner. Without any warning, she threw her arms around his neck, pressing her lips against his. It lasted for a few moments, and then she pulled away, panting heavily.

"What is this for?" He asked teasingly. She looked up at him, playful gleam in her eyes.

"You complaining?"

"No, of course not." He looked down. "I-"

"You haven't changed at all." She murmured, looking down too. "And fuck, I missed you."

"You sure do say 'fuck' a lot."

She looked up, laughing. "Fuck."

"N'aww." He shook his head. "This is not very lady-like."

Her eyes gleamed with excitement. "Then make me shut up."

His eyes widened. There was something very…provocative about the way she had said it. Something that made his blood burn.

He leaned in, smile creeping to his lips. "Seems like I'll have to."

Sunshine flickered through the sloppily closed curtains, hurting my eyes. Moaning, I turned my back to the source of light.

"'Morning." Voice whispered to my ear. Within a second, I was very much awake.

"Matt." I sat up, staring at a figure next to me, hardly believing my eyes.

The night. It wasn't a dream.

"Hey, X." He turned to face me, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. "Is everything alright?"

"Y-yeah." I nervously ran fingers through my hair. "Just-"

His expression grew more concern. "Just what?"

"You're here." I breathed out, blushing. "You're really here."

"What, you expected me to just disappear?" He rose an eyebrow, suddenly amused."

"No, no, not that." I closed my eyes, trying to get my brain to work probably. It's hard, you know, thinking, when you just woke up and there is naked guy in your bed. "I…it was highly likely I dreamed the whole thing."

"You had dreams of this kind before?" He smirked.

"No!" I blushed. "I mean- yeah, but-"  
>"Fuck, you're adorable." He laughed, pulling me closer.<p>

Putting a hand on his chest, I kept him few inches away. "I am trying to finish a sentence here."

"Oh, so you're allowed to finish sentences?"

"Hell yeah." I smirked. "What I was trying to say is- fuck, what was I trying to say?"

Matt was doing his best not to laugh. "You done yet?"

I pouted my lips. "Hm. Perhaps."  
>"Then come over here." He sat up, pressing his lips against mine. I moaned, pulling us both down.<p>

"Don't you have work or something?" Matt murmured when we parted for breath.

"Um, I probably do." I bit my lip. "But fuck it."

His smile grew wider. "My thoughts exactly."


	23. Chapter 23

***Author's note* Oh look this story is alive! I know this chapter is horribly short, I have my reasons (?). THANK YOU for your patience and reviews and EVERYTHING. You are the best, I love you, and I am so sorry for not uploading sooner. Review please? :D –BBT**

**P.S. BAMF long new chapter coming as soon as possible. Reviews help my inspiration A LOT. K bye**

**P.P.S. Ooooh and to all of you who celebrate it, happy Easter!**

**Now I really need to go. Or author's note will be longer than the actual chapter O.o**

He was going to kill him. He was going to fucking kill him.

Kicking his desk violently (it hurt as fuck, but he was too pissed to notice), Mello stood up, his mind boiling.

Matt. That fucking idiot.

His best friend seemed to be a bit bored (well, his games had him pretty much occupied, but Mello didn't like the idea of him spending day after day in the darkened room, staring at the computer screen) so he decided to trust him with a mission, just to add a bit of variety to his life. Nothing too important, not because he didn't trust Matt, but because everything important around here was also very likely to get you killed. And living with the knowledge he sent his only friend to his death…he wouldn't be able to do that.

Matt had to drive to New York and pick up a stash. Nothing big- in the worst scenario, he'd get arrested, and getting him out of jail wouldn't be a problem.

The problem was, Matt wasn't in New York. He never showed up.

And Mello had a good idea where he could be.

Alexx- the girl from Wammy's- was currently living in Chicago, and it was terribly easy for Matt to make a wrong turn…

Fuck. He knew he shouldn't have allowed him to take the car.

"I know it'll take long, but it might be fun." He had said.

"Oh, yeah." Mello pushed a hand inside his pocket, searching for the chocolate bar. "I bet it's fun."

I spun around in my chair (one of those cool bar-like chairs, you know? I have a thing for them. They are so awesome.) and suspiciously eyed Matt, hunched over my kitchen desk in pure concentration.

"Who'd tell?" I rested my chin on the smooth desk surface. "You actually can cook."

Matt grinned up at me and winked. "Told ya."

I continued glaring at him, more focused on the fact he wasn't wearing a shirt (I called dibs on it when we finally got out of the bed) than on the fast movements of his hands as he chopped food in tiny pieces.

"What are you making?" I yawned, stretching.

"You'll see."

"You know, you can act as mysterious as you want, but as long as you're chopping carrots, it won't bring your masculinity back."

Matt chuckled, not looking up. "Do you want food or not?"

Rising my hands up in defeat, I found a comfortable sitting position and continued staring at him as he worked. Finally, he mixed all the things he had chopped up in a pot and started cooking it.

"Any guesses what it could be?" He asked, shooting me a playful smile.

"Um, some sort of sauce?" I asked, snapping at his expression. "Don't give me that look! It's not my fault you're such a fembot."

"No, no, you're just cute, that's all." He chuckled. "And yeah, it's a sauce. Good job."

I rolled my eyes. "So. Where did you learn how to cook?"

"In ma- Los Angeles, few years ago. You know, after about six months of junk food, I got sick of it, so I learned how to do some simple meals myself."

"That's nice." I nodded. "Hot, too. Men who can cook are hot."

"I thought we were 'masculinity deprived'."

"You're both."

Matt looked up at me, his eyes shining with amusement. "Yeah. Of course."

I was about to talk back when a thought hit me. "Hey. Where are your goggles?"

"In your room, I think." Matt shrugged. "Why?"

"Aren't you, like, supposed to be half blind or something?" I asked. _There was no way he just did all that with his sight. _

"Oh, I haven't told you?" Matt smiled proudly. "I got my vision fixed."

"Wow, that's great!" I waved a hand in front of his eyes. "So, you see everything now?"

He grabbed my hand and gently held it down. "Obviously."

"But you still wear goggles?"

"You complaining?"

Grinning, I leaned closer to him. "Of course not."


	24. Chapter 24

„So." I cleared my throat, scrapping leftovers from my plate. "How did you and Mello manage to compete with the famous new L?"

"We're brilliant?" Matt grinned, avoiding my gaze a bit. Stiffing a sigh, I leaned in closer to him.

"Mail Jeevas." I said, mouthing each word. "You've been avoiding direct answer for ages now. Spit it out."

Matt looked at me, blinking innocently. "I have no idea what you're talking about."  
>"Matt."<p>

"Alexx."

Nodding, I laid back in my chair. "Oh."

"Oh?"

"I get it."  
>"You do?" Matt rose an eyebrow. "Well, guess it means I don't need to answer now."<p>

"Yeah." I nodded. "Let me see. Illegal, obviously- Near has control over every powerful legal organization. Since you're avoiding an answer, it's probably really bad. It also has to be uber-powerful, since we're competing with L here." Matt's eyes widened a bit. "I'd say, mafia."

Blinking, Matt took in a breath. "Well, someone's been watching Sherlock lately."  
>"So, it is?" I locked his gaze. "Come on. Tell me I'm right."<p>

He sighed. "You're right. And brilliant. And amazing. And we're idiots."

"Yes, you are." I nodded. "But we've already established that."

"So, you're not mad?"

I chuckled. "Oh, no. I'm pissed."

"Oh." He nodded. "Figures."  
>"Are you stupid? Dealing with mafia? Are you trying to get yourself killed?"<p>

"We can take care of ourselves." Matt looked up at me. "Also, Mello is sort of a big fish back there. We're well respected members."

"I'm not talking about mafia, you idiot." I said through gritted teeth. "I'm talking Kira. He kills criminals, right? And he can kill with just a face now."

"We're keeping our faces hidden."

"Still-"

"We've thought this out, _mom._"

Biting my tongue, I stood up and marched to the bathroom.

"Alexx-"

_Slam. _Closing the doors behind me, I slid down to the floor, burying my face in my hands.

_Well, that was bitchy. _

I had no idea why I reacted like that. It's not like they said they were going to kidnap Kira's spokesperson or something. _That _would be something to bitch about. But joining mafia- I mean, it was quite easy to picture Mello bossing around, and Matt could fit in anywhere (he is a BAMF hacker, after all).

"Shit." I sighed, standing up. I needed to apologize.

Cracking the doors open, I peeked outside, only to see Matt standing an inch away, his hand in I-was-about-to-knock position.

"Hey." I breathed. He shot me a cautious smile.

"O-kay." I gulped. "I'msorryIoverrreactedI'mabitchIknowsorry."

Matt blinked, taken aback a bit. "I didn't understand a word you just said, so I'll just assume it wasn't bad and smile."

Chuckling, I fully opened the doors and wrapped my arms around him. "It was good."

"Oh. Good."

"I'm sorry I overreacted. I'm just worried, that's all."

"It's alright. I'm used to it." He smiled. "And besides, compared to Mello, this was perfectly stoic reaction."

"I believe." I now became aware of the fact he still wasn't wearing a shirt- took me a while- and paused for a moment, before pulling him even closer.

"So, do you have something to do?" Matt asked. "I can help."

"Um, sure." I yawned. "I have a case to solve. Big X and all. Could use a second opinion."

Five minutes later, we were sitting on my bed, his arms wrapped around me as he went through the information concerning the newborn abduction case. I had already solved the thing, but was interested in seeing how long will it take him to get on something.

Because my morals are so high and I can't wait to bring the kidnapper to justice, you see.

"So." Matt narrowed his head. "There are ten different babies kidnapped from hospitals in ten different states?"

"Yeah." I nodded.

"And there is no link?"

"…No?"

Matt chuckled to the file. "But you believe it is the same person?"

"It_ is." _

"Right. I'm sorry." He flipped another page of the file. "_Ooh." _

"See it now?" My heart skipped a beat. I forgot how nice it was when someone was able to keep up with you.  
>"Yeah." He nodded, leaning over my shoulder. "Wow. That's…wow."<p>

"I know. Ten newborn children, ten different states, nothing linking them together."

"Except for the little fact…"

"Tiny little fact."

"Children's fathers aren't their biological fathers."

"Yeah." I nodded (whoa, we nodded a lot). "It could be a coincidence…"

"But it's not." Matt grinned at me. I smiled back, warm feeling creeping over me.

"Correct."

"So, who did it?" Matt closed the file and shoved it off the bed.

"Huh?"

"Come on, don't toy with me." Matt threw his head back and looked down on me. "You've got this case figured out already."

I bit my lip, blushing. "Perhaps."

"Alexx…"

"Fine, I do." I sighed. "I know who did it."

"Why haven't you told me, then?"

"Because you look cute when you're focused." I shot him a teasing smile before wriggling out of his arms and picking up the file. "It's one of the nurses. She had this crazy idea about bringing the kids back to their original fathers."

"Crazy." Matt agreed. "You know her name?"

"Sylvia Oder." I grinned proudly. "I'm brilliant, I know."

"Any evidence?"

"She found out her father wasn't her actual father when she was 10, ran away, refused to come back home until they physically forced her, and was in bad relationship with her parents ever since." I shrugged. "Also, she wasn't very good as a nurse. She got fired frequently."

"So she worked in all of the ten hospitals." Matt grinned.

"Not only that." I noted. "She was the only nurse having a day off on the night of the abductions, in all of the cases."

"So, it's her."

"It's definitely her."

Matt's smile grew wider. "You're brilliant."

"I know."

"Better inform the police now."

"Yeah, that'd be good." I nodded, grabbing my mobile phone from the night stall, switching to 'blocked number' and dialing 911.

"You do this call for me, please." I said, handing the phone over to Matt. He looked confused, but followed the lead.

"Um, this is…X?" He glanced at me, and I nodded approvingly. "Sylvia Oder is the kidnapper behind…" He glanced at the file. "Newborn abduction case?"

_Hang up. _ I mouthed. Matt did so immediately.

"Is this how you always do your calls?" He asked. "Make someone else talk to 911?"

"No, of course not. It was just easier than writing an e-mail, since you were here and all." I shrugged. "I did the call once. Pretended to be eleven. It was fun."

"So you usually send them an e-mail?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "I use different internet café every time, so they can't trace me back."

"Nice." Matt grinned. "Smart."

Chuckling, I cuddled nearer to him, resting my head on his chest. "I'm…what?"

"Brilliant." He chuckled, kissing the top of my head. "You're brilliant."

***author's note* Happy Easter! Review! Love you, k, bye :)**


	25. Chapter 25

***Author's note* It finally occured to me I might need to start writing disclaimers. Although it's pretty obvious, **_**I do not own Death Note. **_**(I do own my OCs. Not that anyone would try to steal them. But still.)**

**Oh, and little warning: I have no idea what effect this chapter might have on you, but you might want to fetch some tissues before digging in to it. Better safe than sorry, right?**

**Alright, school starts tommorow, so that means less writing time, but I promise to do my best. Reviews will help a lot (so review, please. I know you are reading this, fanfiction tells me when you add it to your story alert list, you know).**

**HUGE thanks to everyone who reviewed, especially WeirdGothGirl, who reviewed almost every chapter- THANK YOUU! (you could all learn little something from her, hehehe).**

**'Kay, that is all I wanted to say. Stay amazing!- BBT**

"We are leaving America in two days." Matt said, dreamily caressing my forearm. We were in the same position for hours now, telling each other about the past six years. Since Matt already knew pretty much everything I've done (he had stalked me the entire time, you know) he had the word most of the time, while I remained in my dreamy haze, head resting on his chest, enjoying his warmth.

"Huh?" I looked up. "Where are you going?"

"Japan."

"Oh, right. That's where Kira is." I nodded, before suddenly stiffing. _That's where Kira is. _"What are you going to do?"

"Mello has a plan. He wouldn't appreciate me sharing it." He noticed my glare. "Nothing dangerous, I promise."  
>"Yeah. 'Cause we know how safe and rational Mello's actions are." I noted bitterly.<p>

"Alexx..."

"Don't make me run to bathroom again. I won't come out this time."

Chuckle. "Alexx."  
>"Or even better, I should lock you inside."<p>

"I'll jump out of the window."  
>"You'll kill yourself." I bit my lip. "But then again, that <em>is <em>what you two are planning to do anyway, so..."

"Alexx." Matt sat up, turning me to face him. "Don't you trust me?"

My first instict was to cheekily rise my chin and spit out a negative answer, but then I caught a glimpse of his eyes. Same deep blue shade, lightening towards the middle, locking our gazes together, as if he could see into my soul. And I knew I couldn't be cheeky while looking at them. He wanted an honest, serious answer. This wasn't a time to be a tease.

"I do." I looked down on my hands, and he immidiately pulled my chin up, locking our gazes again (damn it. This would be so much easier if he had goggles on). "I trust you."

He narrowed his head, studying my face. "But..."

With a deep breath, I grabbed his hands. "I trust you to the right thing. I trust you to trust _him _completely. I trust you to do whatever you or him find neccesary."

Matt nodded, sad smile creeping over his lips as he caught up with me. Realised I caught up with them.

"I trust you to do anything that is in your power to protect Mello. Me. World, even. I trust you to do whatever it takes to stop Kira.

I trust you to do anything for the greater cause.

Die even.

And I believe..." My eyes started to tear up. "I believe you will die. And I believe you know it already."

A small nod. "I do."

I could hardly gauge his face, wave of tears almost blinding me. Blinking didn't help at this point.

"Why?" I managed to utter. His hand freed from my grip and rose to my face, wiping a tear away.

"I don't have much of a choice."

"You do!" I pulled away from him, wiping the rest of tears in fury. "Of course you do! There is an other way! There _has _to be!"

Matt stared at me, faint smile still on his lips.

"We are the top of Wammy's House." I whispered, leaning closer to him. "If we can't do this, who can?"

"Do you have any idea how many people die each day because of Kira?" Matt asked. "If my death can stop him, it's worth it."

"But-"

"To come up with something, it would take us a few more days. Few more days, hundred more lives. We can't afford to waste any more time."  
>"You don't have to die." Stupid tears filled my eyes again. "Why would you have to die?"<p>

"Alexx-"

"What is wrong with Mello?" Fury took over again. "How- how can he let you die?"

"He is delusional." Matt shrugged. "He believes I'll make it. Now please, just calm-"

"You promised me!" I cut him off, completely unable to control even the tiniest emotion. "You- you promised not to do anything stupid!"

"That's why I'm here." Matt said, grabbing my hands and pulling my closer. "To keep my promise. I told you, back then, that you'll see my face again, and here I am."

My breathing heavy, I stared at him, tears rolling down my face. "N-no..."

"I promised to take care of myself, to stay alive, not to do anything stupid." He kept on talking, his eyes now tearing up too. "I kept all those promises."

_No. No, no, _no_... _

"But now," Matt took a deep breath, struggling to keep his composure. "It is over with them."

"Matt-" I gasped.

"I can no longer keep them." He said, his lips trembling. "This _is _the last time you see my face."

I shook my head in denial, biting my lip so hard I could taste blood.

"If you will ever see me again..." Matt had to stop to breathe. "It is very unlikely I'll be alive."

"_No_."

"Yes."

We stared at each other in painful silence, his eyes slightly red, mine filled with tears that just wouldn't stop flowing.

"I'm sorry." He murmured. I nodded, trying to remember how to talk, breathe, _anything, _without falling completely appart.

"I...I know." I managed to utter.

"You have every right to be upset."

"Damn right...I do." I managed to let out a hoarse chuckle. "You fucking idiot."  
>"You have every right to hate me, too." He smiled weakily, pressing his lips together, trying not to cry.<p>

"Yeah, that too." I nodded.

"But you don't."

"Of course I don't. You really are an idiot." With a loud sob, I threw myself at him, burying my face in his chest. "I love you. You know that."

"I love you too." He uttered, kissing the top of her head. Single tear rolled down his cheek, onto her hair. Cussing to himself, he tried to stop more tears from falling. Unsuccesfully.

Well, fuck. _This would be much easier if you just wrote her an e-mail._

_She'd kill me. _He thought. _I had to keep my promise. _

He knew he would be a mess when this moment came. He did hope he wouldn't cry, but, hell. He _had_ put up a good fight.

"W-when do you leave?" Alexx whispered, looking up at him, her eyes swollen. _And yet, she's still the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. _

"I have to be back in L.A. in two days." He answered, stroking her hair. "I don't need to leave until then."

She nodded, odd look in her eyes. "I'm going with you."  
><em>Whoa, whoa. <em>"What?"

"I'm coming to Japan with you." She said firmly. "Try to stop me and I'll get Near on both of your suicidal asses."

"Alexx."

"Matt."

"Listen to me, Mail Jeevas." She sat up, now able to look down at him. "If you are about to go on a suicidal mission, I'll be there."

"No. It's too dangerous." Matt shook his head. "If you get hurt...I won't be able to forgive myself."

"Are you stupid?" She screamed. "You'll be dead, _of course _you won't be able to forgive yourself!"

Matt pulled back a bit. "So, someone doesn't believe in afterlife..."

"How can you be so selfish?" She cut him off. "You'll die for a greater cause, story over. And I? I'll be stuck here, alone, with this shitty fake-ass life I'm leading and bunch of cases to solve."

He blinked, completely taken aback. "I thought this is what you wanted."

"I wanted a real life, yeah. One I can actually _live."_ Tears filled her eyes again. "And I don't feel alive when you're not here."

Glaring at her, Matt bit his lip. "Oh."

"Even if you stop me from coming to Japan..." She said, looking down. "Once dead, you won't be able to keep me alive."

"Alexx, don't-"

"I'll do it. Why not?" She laughed, sounding exactly like Mello in his worst stages. "That is the problem with us, Wammy's kids. We had everything taken away from us. I remember how lost I was when I first arrived. And I made it. You know how?"

Matt glared at her, unable to move his lips.

"I grabbed onto everything in sight, relying on it to keep me alive, to get me through the day. New school. New people. 'Look, the kid has white hair.' 'Female haircut wants to kill me, how funny.'"

Matt nodded. He understod.

"Then I met you. And you were so... strong." She closed her eyes. "You kept me going. You made me invincible. You made me strong like you, strong enough to go through the day. You are the strongest person I've ever known, you know? Both me and Mello were hanging onto you, and you still managed to walk through life like nothing's wrong."

"I...I had to." He furrowed his brow. "I had...you two."

"And how would it feel," She asked, her voice trembling with tears. "If both of us died?"

Matt stiffened. It wasn't too hard to picture it- it was his only fear, after all. Mello not coming home from one of his missions. Reading about Alexandra Wammy's death in the newspapers. So easy to happen. "It'd be...crushing."

"I have only you, Matt." She muttered. "If you die, I'll die too."

Matt nodded. "I don't want you to die."

"I don't want _you _to die."

"But what about X?" Matt asked, grabbing onto the last hope. "What about Alexandra Wammy? What about your pictures, your agent?"

"X was never alive. We'll leave anonymus detective work to Near, alright?" She shrugged. "And you know that paintings become so much more valuable after the artist dies. I'll be doing Jill a favour."

"Please, Alexx." Matt whined, desperate. "Don't kill yourself."

"Why? You're doing it."

"Don't- don't make me carry your death on my soul. Please."

"When did you become so religious?"

"Alexx." Matt sighed. "Charlie."

"Mail." She glared at him, her eyes determined.

"You can have such a fantastic life. For both of us."

"But _I can't. _" Her voice was barely a whisper. "My family is gone. Charlie is gone. You'll be gone. And there'll be nothing for me to hold on to."

"You'll meet someone." Matt managed to utter. "And you'll forget you ever felt like this."

There was a silence for a few moments.

"Honestly, Matt. You really think I am that kind of person?"

"I wish you were." Matt smiled.

More silence. Her eyes distant. His whole body trembling.

"Here's the deal." She finally spoke up. "You'll tell me your plan."

Matt narrowed his eyes, wondering where this is going.

"We have two more days before you need to go." She said. "Meaning I have two more days to think of a way for you to survive while still delivering the same results.

If I fail, you'll go to Japan, and I promise not to kill myself."  
>Matt felt as if a giant stone fell of his heart. "Yes. Yes. I agree."<p>

"However, if I manage to think of something, and convince Mello it's better than the original plan- which I will, trust me- you'll do as I say."  
>"Okay. Whatever." <em>She'll live. <em>"But the new plan will be completely safe for you."

"Of course." Alexx smiled at him. "I just threatened to commit suicide just because I was affraid I'll loose you."

Leaning in, she pressed a fast kiss on his lips. "I would never make you feel that."


	26. Chapter 26

***A/N* Remember me?**

I remember our last winter in fragments- snow melting in my hair and trickling down my neck in a cold, icy trail, the coolness of Matt's lips on mine, the ominous smell of chocolate lingering in the hallways and the kitchen, the bitter taste of black coffee and the calming aroma of jasmine tea, the subtle scent of boy's cologne every morning, brooding silence whenever Mello was in a bad mood, cigarette ashes on the windowsill and beeping of Matt's game controller. The endless stacks of papers, the never ending all-nighters, the taste of tobacco on Matt's lips when he'd wake me up after I dozed off on work, Mello's frowns, unfriendly at first, a sign of trust and sympathy later on. The nervous nail biting _that _day, the sleepless nights even after there was no work to do, the horrible smell of burnt flesh and Matt's panicked hands flying over Mello's body, never settling down, eyes wide, face frozen- my own mind going into nurse mode and shoving him out of the way, the small Italian woman helping me get the melting clothes off. The scarred face that kept judging me for the oncoming weeks- _you should have stopped him_, even though its' owners eyes showed nothing but gratefulness and respect.

Our last night, spent awake, our bodies intertwined. Our last morning, when I hugged Mello and he hugged back, and whispered me the promise we both know he couldn't keep (_I'll keep him safe) _the brief kiss Matt placed on my lips before leaving, that ended up lasting much longer than necessary, both of us knowing it might, and probably will, be the last one.

The never ending hours, sitting in front of the screen, a phone in my hand, a gun in the other, biting my lower lip until I could taste blood.

I held my breath for the length of the car chase- for all I knew, my heart stopped pumping blood and resorted to adrenaline, keeping me unable to move but unable to stand still, turning me into a statue with a heart thumping against my marble chest.

The first shot. The second. The twenty four ones that followed. Matt's body hitting the floor. The scream. Not mine. I could not have screamed. Stone can't scream.

The drive to the hospital, of which I remembered next to nothing- the hysteric run down the corridor, tears flooding my eyes. The strong arms- _wrong _arms- pulling me away from Matt's body, back to the waiting room, giving me a cup of tea and assuring me I'll be the first to find out any news- sitting there, with the bloody cup stinging my palm, brain empty but for _MattMattMatt _stuck on loop, the sound of his laugh, the smell of his hair. Somebody lit a cigarette. I loosened my fist. The cup fell on the floor, hot liquid soaking the linoleum. They escorted the smoking man out. A cleaning lady came to mop up the floor.

The collective gasp that managed to capture my attention. The small screen on the wall repeating the same news- a church was burning, a man was found dead-

Heart dropping, turning to stone itself, Matt's laugh deafening in my ears, Mello's face flashing before my eyes _oh my god he's dead he died oh my god oh my god no_

Running back to Matt's room and being pushed back out. Running to the bathroom. Catching the sight of my reflection and screaming at it, until the noise stopped coming out. Being led away by a nurse, back to the damned waiting room. A blanket thrown over my shoulders. I've tried asking whether Matt will be okay, but all my throat managed was inaudible rasping. Sitting there, completely numb, tears drying on my cheeks.

Doctor's arriving, hours later. I can see Matt now. Matt is not very well, but hope is not lost.

Matt in the bed. So pallid. So stiff. Cold. Too cold. I rubbed his hands until they were warm again. Corpses are cold, not Matt. Matt can never become a corpse.

Mello's corpse wasn't cold when they found it. Mello burned to death.

Mello hated fire.

More sobbing. They tried to lead me away, but I pulled myself together and held onto Matt. If he stayed alone, he might forget he is not a corpse. If Matt knew he was not a corpse, he'd never become one. Matt's brain could do that. Matt was- _is, Matt is!- _clever.

"Matt is clever." I said out loud. The Doctor nodded, a small smile on his lips. Pity. I scowled. There is no need to pity me. I was stone, and Matt was alive.

The restless sleep, still holding Matt's hand. Waking up, disoriented, refusing to open my eyes for a whole minute, hoping everything would turn out to be a bad, bad dream. Opening my eyes. Refusing to cry again.

Bland, tasteless coffee, brought to me by a doctor. Him, explaining the situation- "Brain dead, the vest saved him, but he still lost a lot of blood, too many bullets-"

The vest. I gave him the vest. Matt said they wouldn't shoot him, Mello said they wouldn't go after him, but I knew better.

_Not good enough. _Matt was still dying.

Throwing up the coffee. Nurse giving me some pills. Falling asleep again. Waking up, feeling sick and tired and _sad_. Asking about Mello's body. Them telling me a man named Watari took it from the police. Drugs kicking in again.

Waking up to see Roger sitting across me. A small, shaken, sob-like yell erupting from my throat. Him pulling me close, me melting into his arms. More sobbing, more crying, more desperate phrases repeated over and over "Matt can't be dead, Matt is so clever"- Matt is clever, yes, but Matt's brain is dead.

**************angst****************

Roger woke me up with a small nudge- I fell asleep on the chair, head nuzzled into Matt's collar bone, arms wrapped around Matt's arm. I blinked the sleep away and sat up, accepting the offered phone with some confusion, one arm still intertwined firmly with Matt's.

"Hello?"

"X?"

Mind jumping to life. "Near?!" I looked up at Roger, who nodded with a smile.

Near offering me co-operation. Accepting- but not yet- I need to see that Matt is fine.

"Light Yagami knows about you. You must leave as soon as possible."

"He can't kill me."

"He can." Near hung up. I sighed, squeezing Matt's hand again.

"I am so sorry." I whispered, looking down at Matt's closed eyes. "You should be, too."

**********angst***************

Near made it through the confrontation. Light Yagami didn't. We still didn't know about Matt.

He visited the hospital with me, faces hidden under crude masks, and he sat there as I held Matt's hand. Nobody spoke. Nobody minded.

I told Near that, thank you, but I was not interested in further crime solving. Near understood. He left me after a brief goodbye. I realised I was becoming like him, and begun to wonder just how many people he has lost.

Weeks passed. Matt didn't wake up.

I sat by his bed every day, for hours, talking about everything and nothing. I tried to do some painting, did numerous sketches of his face, back when he was still not-brain-dead.

A month later, I sat there, head on his chest, listening to the faint heartbeat, the buzz of the machines keeping him alive almost drowning it out.

"You're lucky we're rich." I whispered. "I am not letting anyone give up on you just yet." I took his hand, placing it against my abdomen, where a small bulge was beginning to form. Tears threatened to appear again.

"Please wake up."

************angst************

I have little memories of the birth, but for the unbearable pain and a _lot _of screaming. But as I blinked away the painkiller-high and nuzzled the small, warm bundle to my chest, the doors opened and a familiar figure walked in.

"His name is Mihael." I told Near, and he nodded. He extended a finger towards the bundle, and Mihael reached out, caressing it before giving up with a yawn. "It was Mello's name."

"I thought so." Near was focused on the child. "He has Matt's eyes."

"I wanted to name him after you." I added. "He still needs a middle name."

"Name him Charles." He offered. I looked up at him, then shrugged. He was allowed to know.

"If you ever find yourself in need, call Roger." Near added, retreating his arm. "He will send you to me."

I smiled. "Thank you."

Near nodded again, before pulling on his mask and heading out.

"Nate."

I looked up. He didn't stop walking. Doors closed behind him with a creak.

"I guess you're Mihael Nate then." I murmured to my son. He yawned at me. "A better name than your dads, certainly."

***************hecouldjointheangels*************** 

Matt woke up two years later. His hair was reaching his shoulders by then, and he was horribly thin, but his sight was still horrible and his eyes still lit up when he saw me.

"You've cut you hair." He noted, touching the tip of my braid. I nodded.

"Looks good." He smiled. "How long have I been out?"

Breath stopped in my throat, and I had to blink away the tears. "Two years."

His eyes widened for a moment, and then he was smiling again. "You haven't aged a day."

I laughed, leaning in, kissing him with all the passion of two years of fear and longing. He returned the kiss, wrapping his arms around me, into my hair.

"What have I missed?"

"Kira is dead." Good news out first. He nodded. "So is Mello."

I held his hand as he blinked away a couple of tears. "Feel free to cry."

"Later." He forced a smirk. "What about Near?"

"He's L now."

"Good for him." Matt's smirk grew steadier. "Anything else?"

"Kind of." I looked over to the doors, nodding. Roger pushed the doors opened, and Mike wobbled in, still a newbie to the whole leg-using thing. Matt's eyes widened.

"Is he-"

I picked him up, placing him on the bed. He looked up at Matt, eyes big and blue, straight blonde hair framing his tiny face.

"Mike, say hi to your dad." I muttered, and Mihael looked up to Matt, eyes wide, before grinning and reaching up to touch his nose.

"Not much of a talker." I explained, blinking more tears- _damn it-_ out of my eyes. Still in shock, Matt pulled Mihael closer, into his lap, and ran his fingers through our son's hair.

"Hi, champ." He muttered, and I suddenly felt very warm and very relieved. "His name is Mihael?"

I nodded. "Mihael Nate."

"Jeevas?"

"Jeevas."

"Why Nate?"

I reached over to remove a strand of hair from Mike's eyes. "Nate's his godfather."

"Nate who?"

I shrugged. "You'll meet him soon enough. He is waiting at our house."  
>"Our house?"<p>

"I bough a house." I shrugged, grinning.

"Am I supposed to ask for your hand now?"

"If you wish so."

Matt smiled at me, pushing some hair out of my face.

"Lets go home."

***A/N* **

**OH MY GOD IT IS DONE**

**This was my first fic and I felt an urge to give it an ending- I have a reputation to keep up, after all.**

**It was supposed to end with Matt leaving the Wammy's, but it didn't. Then it was supposed to end with Matt and Mello dying. Turns out I can't do that either.**

**Sorry for the angst. I had a lot of Wammy's boys feels today, so I decided to write a nice closure. I hope you enjoy the cheesy ending. **

**Most of the people on my account are here for the Superwholock, and it is my number one fandom at the moment, but Death Note will always have a special place in my heart. It was the fandom that got me to make a tumblr account and to join fanfiction and I owe so much to it asdagfd**

**This fic was, well, corny as a cornfield, but it had its moments, me thinks? I will definitely be back with more Death Note stuff because a) I FOUND SOME DEATH NOTE STUFF I'VE WRITTEN WHAT and b)Death Note has so much fanfiction potential it'd be a waste not to write for it.**

**Okay. That's all. It's been a pleasure sailing with you, captains. See you around.**


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